Grandma shows favoritism for boyfriend’s perverted son

Dear Annie: I am 31 years old and divorced with two kids. My mom has always been supportive. She helped me out immensely over the years, and I am very appreciative. I have paid her back whenever possible.

The problem is, the last time my kids and I stayed with her, her boyfriend’s 13-year-old son slept over and there was inappropriate sexual contact with my 6-year-old son. Law enforcement was contacted, but to date nothing has materialized in the way of a case.

We spoke with a counselor, and things seem to be improving with my son.

But I told my mother that while I hope the 13-year-old gets help, I cannot have my children around him ever again. She said she understood and asked that we keep the issue under wraps.

As time passes, however, I see that my mom is favoring this boy. She has many photos of him on her Internet profile and very few of her grandchildren. She spends most weekends with her boyfriend and his son. When the kids and I go to her house, the boy is often there, so we leave.

Recently we attended a function at my sister’s college, and Mom brought her boyfriend and his son, knowing my children would be there. When we didn’t sit near them, she told my sister it was because my ex-husband was with us. She also made a comment to me insinuating that I had coaxed my son to make up lies about the inappropriate contact.

Mom has a history of choosing men over her children. She complains to my sister that I don’t call her anymore. This is the same woman who hasn’t talked to her own mother for two years. I feel hurt, betrayed and confused. Should I cut off contact? Betrayed Daughter

Dear Betrayed: It’s time to make it abundantly clear to Mom that your children’s well-being comes first, and that if she chooses to put her boyfriend’s son above her grandchildren, contact with the kids will be limited or nonexistent.

We hope that boy is getting competent professional help. P.S.: Should your sister ever have children, you must tell her the truth for their protection.

Dear Annie: I care quite deeply for my close friend, “Cara.” She is aware of my sentiments, but is currently seeing someone else. On occasion, she asks me for relationship advice, which I freely give because I want more than anything else for her to be happy.

But when she hints that her relationship is going less than smoothly, I find myself wishing I could be the one to make her happy.

I have been told it’s natural for me to be envious or jealous, but I cannot help feeling guilty for being selfish. Do you have any advice? Dispirited in Dixie

Dear Dispirited: Have you ever told Cara how you feel? Is it possible she would be receptive to a relationship? If she turned you down, would you be able to maintain the friendship?

If you know Cara has no romantic interest in you, your best bet is to focus your attentions on someone else. Get out there and meet some new people so Cara has less power over your heartstrings.

Dear Annie: I disagree with your grammar expert, Rob Kyff, who said “next Friday” can mean either the upcoming Friday or the one after.

In our language, when one speaks of “next Friday,” it means the Friday following the upcoming Friday. If one is referring to the upcoming Friday, it would need to be preceded with “the,” as in “the next Friday.” That phrase is awkward and made more so because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday of the same week would be referred to without the word “next.” The boss is either a miserable bully or a nonnative-speaking American. J.A.

Dear J.A.: Although you are technically correct, Rob Kyff was pointing out that, in our language, the phrase “next Friday” is confusing because people use it both ways. We won’t dispute your last sentence, however.

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