Susan needs to move out of mother’s house

Dear Annie: My 30-year-old daughter, “Susan,” is living with her mother, my ex-wife, while finishing school and awaiting her wedding later this year. The two of them got along wonderfully before they began living together.

My ex recently divorced for the second time, and it seems my daughter has become the proverbial “whipping girl” and takes an extreme amount of verbal abuse from someone who was once a very loving parent. I live several hours away and can only offer moral support when Susan calls in tears, wondering what she has done to deserve this treatment.

Last night was the worst yet. My ex proceeded to berate and belittle Susan in front of her fianc . While she and my future son-in-law knew the things being said were bald-faced lies, Susan was still humiliated and ashamed.

I have suggested several times to Susan that she confront her mother to see whether there is a deeper-rooted problem. Instead, she says she has handed things over to God and that He will take care of it for her. Then she calls again in tears.

I am a God-fearing Christian myself and a firm believer in turning the other cheek, but I am having difficulty keeping my mouth shut. Susan and her fianc are paying for their wedding entirely, and Susan cannot afford to move until she has finished school. It pains me to see her hurt so deeply. She is even contemplating not including her mother at her wedding. Can you help? Frustrated in Fairbanks

Dear Fairbanks: God also helps those who help themselves. It is better for Susan to talk to her mother and ask to be treated better than to cry and not invite her to the wedding. Can Susan live with you or another relative? Could her fianc help her pay for an apartment? Since you are not footing the bill for the wedding, would you give her an early present of a month’s rent? She needs to get out of there.

Dear Annie: A few ladies and I have lunch or dinner together almost daily. Recently “Martha,” who is 81, announced that all her checks had bounced. We were happy to help out, but the problem is, we think Martha has dementia. She cannot comprehend her finances and isn’t capable of balancing her checkbook.

Martha seems to do everything else OK, including driving. My question is, where can I get help for her? I’ve called Social Security, and they keep telling me to call back when they aren’t busy. I’ve asked senior places, and they tell me they don’t have anything like that.

Martha has no family nearby. If I don’t help, she will lose everything. She owns her own home and lives by herself. Any suggestions? Martha’s Friend

Dear Friend: Martha’s inability to understand her finances may be a math deficiency and not dementia. You are a good friend to help her out and she obviously needs assistance. Martha should be put on a budget and possibly have her bills paid automatically. Her bank can help with that. You also can contact the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at (800) 677-1116 and ask for assistance.

Dear Annie: This is for “No Name and No State,” whose father goes without rather than replacing things when he runs low on cash.

Is there a neighbor who can bring something over for an evening meal once a week? The neighbor can also see how things are going and report back to the son if necessary.

Once or twice a month, I cook a little extra and take it over to my elderly neighbor. I also stop by once a week just to talk to her and make sure everything is OK. If I think she needs help, I call one of her kids or grandchildren. A Neighbor of an Elderly Person

Dear Neighbor: You are a gem. Those willing to check on their neighbors and provide occasional meals are a wonderful asset to family members who are not close by.

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