She knows there’s sexual abuse in her almost-family

Dear Annie: I am 22, engaged, working on a master’s degree in child psychology and in a very uncomfortable situation.

Two years ago, my fianc ’s sister revealed to her family that “Grandpa Joe” had molested her as a child. After she told her parents, her mother shared that she, too, had been molested by the same man (her father). After a lot of crying and discussing, their family decided it was best to do nothing in order to avoid social embarrassment. I disagreed but felt it was not my place to say anything.

Both women have gone to counseling and are doing well. But they also decided not to share this information with my fianc ’s uncle, who is married and has two daughters. They worry that his wife would react violently and could potentially harm Grandpa Joe if she found out.

Here’s where I am torn. All of my education, training and intuition tell me these girls may have already been abused. However, if I say anything to their mother, I would be undermining the family decision, which could destroy the good relationship I have with them. Even if these girls haven’t been abused, it seems to me the parents should be told not to leave them alone with Grandpa.

The family wants to push it all under the rug. How can I do what’s right without causing a rift? Not Family Yet

Dear Not Family: It takes courage to report a family member to the police.

Talk to your fianc and ask him to speak to his mother and sister. Offer to go with him as someone with background in this area. Explain that if the other granddaughters have been abused, they need counseling, and if they have not been abused, they should be warned. Keeping quiet protects only Grandpa. They would never forgive themselves if he hurt those girls because their silence allowed it to happen.

Dear Annie: My mother died three years ago and left money for my son to use for college. She entrusted the account to my older brother, who clearly understood the purpose of this money. At the time, my son was still in high school.

Two years ago, our families fell on hard times. I was forced to borrow $10,000 from the money, and my brother said he, too, had to tap into the account. We both agreed we would repay the money when we could.

My son recently enrolled in a technical school, and when I asked my brother if there was money left in the account, his response was, “Sorry, no.” My mother didn’t leave a will or put the money in a trust. How can I recover the amount my son needs to attend school without destroying my relationship with my brother? Broke Sister

Dear Sister: Did you repay the money you borrowed? The current financial situation has made it difficult for people to get out of debt, and you might want to give your brother more time. Your only other option is to take him to court. You could win the lawsuit, but your brother may not have the money to give, in which case you will have created an estrangement for no tangible result.

Dear Annie: Can I weigh in on the dispute about “next Friday”?

On the bypass route of Santa Fe, N.M., just before an exit, there is a sign that reads “Recycling Center, Next Exit.” What it means, however, is “this exit,” the very next one. In New Mexico, apparently, “next” does not mean “the one after this one.” Although, it is also true that English is not the native tongue of a large fraction of the population. Terry

Dear Terry: We don’t think this is limited to New Mexico. It is quite common for highway signs to say “next exit,” meaning the very next exit that appears. Maybe this explains some of those traffic accidents.

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