Downstairs neighbor is mean, vindictive

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I live in the upstairs apartment of a duplex. Our downstairs neighbor is in her late 50s and gets a disability check every month.

When she gets mad, for whatever reason, she starts slamming doors, throwing things and screaming, all of which cause her five dogs to bark continuously. She then screams at them.

I’ve tried turning on the TV and radios in every room, but we can still hear her. Yesterday she slammed the door so hard, she knocked a picture off our wall. She is mean and vindictive.

When I once spoke to her about the noise, she actually chased me around the yard swinging her cane and threatening to beat me up. Then one of her dogs bit me.

I’ve given her clothes and food as a peace offering, hoping she just needed someone to be kind to her, but it didn’t help. None of the neighbors will have anything to do with her. The landlord is aware of the noise, but I’m afraid to go to him again for fear she will retaliate. The police say they can’t do anything. We don’t have the money to move right now. What can we do? Searching for Peace

Dear Searching: Not much. The woman apparently has a mental disability as well as a physical one. If the landlord can’t control her and you are understandably reluctant to complain, you can look into carpeting and drapes, which might muffle the sound, or, as a cheaper alternative, get a good set of earplugs. However, if the woman physically attacks you, or one of her dogs bites you, you ought to press charges for assault.

Dear Annie: My mother is a widow of one year. She’s a young 80, lives independently and is socially active. I live and work in another city, but visit frequently. Mom needs occasional help around the house and with her car, but she generally manages to handle things well on her own.

My concern is that Mom drinks more than she should. This is not a recent development. I’ve had concerns about her drinking for years. However, now that she lives alone, I am afraid for her safety. When she eats out, she limits herself to two glasses of wine. But at home, she will often have three whiskeys in addition to the wine. When I’m visiting, it’s not unusual for her to get so drunk that I have to put her to bed. She appears blitzed after just two drinks. She also becomes unpleasant and morose, which is a challenge to deal with. She has fallen several times, although fortunately, it has only resulted in bumps and bruises.

Mom swears that when I’m not around she only has a drink or two each evening, but I don’t believe her. She either dismisses my concerns or agrees with me just to end the conversation. She says at 80 she’s not going to change and it doesn’t really matter.

I think the alcohol is the single biggest risk to her health and safety. How do I convince her to stop before she has a serious accident? Worried

Dear Worried: You are smart to be concerned. Your mother’s age combined with her drinking is a major catastrophe waiting to happen. But it’s possible she is depressed and doesn’t care. Suggest she see her doctor and possibly speak to a therapist. In the meantime, you can contact Al-Anon (al-anon-alateen.org) at (800) 4AL-ANON ([800] 425-2666) for information and suggestions.

Dear Annie: Maybe next time someone tells “Not Her Twin in Tennessee” that she resembles her sister, she should follow up with, “Oh, in what way?”

It’s quite possible the resemblance the person has in mind is so superficial that it won’t sound like such a threat to “Tennessee’s” self-perception. B.A.

Dear B.A.: True, although she also might get a response she will be even less thrilled about.

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