SOME SCARY HORROR REMAKES Eight worthy efforts

Hollywood takes another stab at “Friday the 13th” this week, and the odds that we’ll see a fantastic piece of filmmaking are slim.

From Gus Van Sant’s attempt to remake “Psycho” to the abominable update of “When a Stranger Calls” (with cell phones!), horror remakes have been plentiful — and almost universally worthless.

Every once in a long while, the reboot of a popular horror film measures up to — or even exceeds — the original. Here are eight horror remakes worthy of your time, if not your money.

“The Thing” (1982)

A strong argument can be made that this is one of the two or three best horror movies of all time - remake or not. John Carpenter made everyone forget the original (the 1951 film “The Thing From Another World”) with his tale of an American research team fighting a mysterious alien in Antarctica - and their own paranoia.

Most redeeming quality: Though the effects are great, and Carpenter’s pacing is perfect, the excellent cast had the difficult task of selling the fear and claustrophobia of their situation. Keith David and Wilford Brimley are particularly good in supporting roles.

Tagline: Man is the warmest place to hide.

Better than the original? Yes.

“The Fly” (1986)

David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” is technically a remake of the 1958 original, but the director pretty much started from scratch. Traditional scares are scarce, replaced by a hair-raising creepiness. Jeff Goldblum plays a scientist who builds a teleportation device, accidentally gets his DNA tangled up with a housefly and takes lots of notes as the transformation occurs.

Most redeeming quality: The vast majority of horror films don’t take the love story much further than two teen-agers making out on a deserted road, but this one was complex and convincing - a credit to stars Goldblum and Geena Davis.

Tagline: Something went wrong in the lab today. Very wrong.

Better than the original? Yes.

“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978)

This time, the interstellar spores are dropping on San Francisco, replacing local residents with pod people. Will they still elect a progressive slate of candidates? We don’t find that out, but Philip Kaufman kept the tension high in this remake of the 1956 original, and the director executed seemingly impossible tasks - such as making the audience forget about Leonard Nimoy’s typecasting as Mr. Spock.

Most redeeming quality: Most of the location shots take place in parts of the city that you never see in Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies.

Tagline: The seed is planted ... terror grows.

Better than the original? Yes.

“Cape Fear” (1991)

Many would argue that Martin Scorsese’s remake of the 1962 thriller wasn’t a horror film, but we disagree. Even with their snobbier acting and directing pedigrees, movies such as “Cape Fear” and “No Country for Old Men” have more in common with slasher films than conventional dramas. Robert De Niro plays the paroled rapist stalking his former lawyer.

Most redeeming quality: De Niro had all the memorable lines (”Come out, come out wherever you arrrrrrrre ...”), but Juliette Lewis was excellent as the lawyer’s slightly crazy daughter.

Tagline: There is nothing in the dark that isn’t there in the light. Except fear.

Better than the original? Yes

“The Blob” (1988)

This remake of the 1958 original featured a pink blob that takes over a small town, one pathetic and deserving rube at a time. The new “Blob” didn’t have Steve McQueen but it has a better script (co-written by “The Shawshank Redemption” filmmaker Frank Darabont) and gory visual effects that still look great more than 20 years later.

Most redeeming quality: Even if the horror parts don’t interest you, gazing upon Kevin Dillon’s permed mullet is more than enough reason to track this movie down.

Tagline: Scream now, while there is still room to breathe!

Better than the original? Yes.

“Dawn of the Dead” (2004)

We were among the zombie-movie fans dreading this remake of George A. Romero’s 1978 near-flawless classic. But give credit where it’s due: “300” and “Watchmen” director Zack Snyder came through. It’s nowhere near as awesome as the original, but it’s still quite good. Snyder wisely ramps down the political satire - although it’s still there if you squint - and focuses on placing his fast-moving zombies into interesting action sequences.

Most redeeming quality: The zombie makeup is fantastic, replacing the campier orange-tinted look of Romero’s film with some serious blood, gore and decomposition.

Tagline: When the undead rise, civilization will fall.

Better than the original? No. No. No.

“The Hills Have Eyes” (2006)

This remake of another 1970s John Carpenter film was a huge surprise. A suburban family’s car breaks down in an old nuclear-testing zone, and a pack of cave-dwelling mutants tries to take them on. Director Alexandre Aja sets the right tone, paying attention to character development while pumping the carnage to the point where the R rating seems ridiculous.

Most redeeming quality: The triumphant final 20 minutes, where the weasel son-in-law character (Aaron Stanford) discovers his backbone and goes on his own bloody killing spree.

Tagline: The lucky ones die first.

Better than the original? It’s a tie.

“Halloween” (2007)

Rob Zombie’s remake of John Carpenter’s classic 1978 slasher film is uneven, but Zombie is a fantastic director, and he gets the tense and disturbing mood right, while taking the story of serial killer Michael Myers in some new directions. The cast of B-movie staples includes Malcolm McDowell, Danny Trejo and William Forsythe.

Most redeeming quality: The movie looks great. Production designer Anthony Tremblay surrounded the lower-class characters with sinks full of dishes and carpets that look like they haven’t seen a vacuum since Carpenter’s “Halloween” came out.

Tagline: Evil has a destiny.

Better than the original? Not even close.

—Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle