His pre-wedding behavior is questionable

Dear Annie: I was supposed to be married this month in a small private ceremony. However, my fianc , “John,” admitted he had communicated very poorly with his parents.

His relationship with them is nearly nonexistent, and they didn’t want us to get married due to cultural differences. So he did not invite them to our wedding and felt terribly guilty.

We decided not to have the wedding under these circumstances and canceled our plans so John would have time to find closure with his parents.

The problem, however, is my parents. When I told them the wedding was canceled, they immediately assumed we had broken up and took the opportunity to share every nasty thing they had ever thought about John. They don’t want us getting back together.

I realize John used poor judgment, but I don’t believe he did anything unforgivable. However, every time I bring up the wedding with my mother, she becomes irate and starts crying. I don’t dare tell them we’re working on rescheduling. I need my parents to move past this. What do I do? Torn Bride

Dear Torn: Is this an isolated instance of poor judgment and last-minute indecision, or is it a pattern of behavior? Is John’s guilt about his parents going to become an issue in your marriage?

Do your parents have legitimate reasons not to like him? These are all things to consider before making wedding plans.

The final choice, however, is up to you. If you choose to marry John, we hope your parents will come around, but you must be confident of your decision regardless. If not, you aren’t ready to marry him.

Dear Annie: My husband of 20 years cheated once and I was able to forgive him. Then he was diagnosed with cancer. Caring for him almost cost me my job, and my own health suffered tremendously. Fortunately, his doctors were fabulous and he came through it. Then I discovered that during his hospitalization, the “other woman” visited often.

My husband admitted it, and once again, I forgave. A year ago, his health began to fail again and this woman popped right back into the picture. I finally left him once and for all.

This marvelous “other woman” couldn’t deal with his medical issues and walked away. I have nothing left to give and no interest in returning to my ex, but oddly enough, I feel sorry for him. My family and friends think I’m nuts for caring. Help me wrap my head around this. It Literally Makes Me Sick

Dear Literally: You were married to this man for 20 years and presumably loved him very much at one time. His cheating made you realize you couldn’t trust him or live with him, but it didn’t shut off all your emotions. It is perfectly natural for you to feel sorry for a man you once cared for, who is now sick and alone. It means you are a compassionate human being.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Little Tart in California,” the 14-year-old who thinks there’s nothing wrong with dressing herself up in makeup and taking provocative pictures. It made me think of my sister. She is 13 now and, like a lot of kids these days, has no idea that things she does could trigger a negative response. When I saw some of the pictures my little sister had on her online profile, I was shocked. I explained the possible dangers. With everything in the world changing as it is, it seems not enough parents are talking to these children about “what if.”

I think if the parents aren’t discussing this, older siblings or close family members should step up. My sister listened when I spoke to her. All it takes is time and compassion. We need to protect our loved ones. Concerned Sister

Dear Sister: Your sister is lucky to have such a caring and sensible sibling watching out for her.

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