Smoke screen may hide emotional issues

Dear Annie: I have never taken drugs and never will, but I recently learned that one of my best guy friends has been smoking weed. Annie, we are only 14. I’ve told him drugs are bad for him, but he keeps assuring me that he is not addicted and it’s not harmful. I have no idea how else to react. I don’t know how I am going to face him anymore, and he sits next to me in all my classes.

Would it be right for me to just forget about what he told me and keep being his best friend? Is he right when he says weed is not harmful? He thinks I’m overreacting if I decide to not be his friend anymore. The Girl Who Doesn’t Want To Lose Her Best Friend

Dear Girl: Any drug can be harmful, and weed is a drug. Your friend might also be using it as a form of stress relief, which means he may be covering up some real emotional issues. You don’t have to give up the friendship so long as he doesn’t try to convince you to join him, and provided you can avoid being influenced by him. We also trust you will keep your distance when he’s actually smoking.

Dear Annie: I work in a spacious office without partitions. Two of the people nearest me are ridiculously loud. They react audibly to e-mails and speak to themselves as if we are all interested in the conversation. I can hear them clearly when they talk on the phone. One of them always reacts over-the-top, whether it’s a hangnail or a heart attack. Both have been known to break out in song, which can be fun if you’re not trying to concentrate on your job. I listen to my iPod most of the day, but even with the earbuds in, I can still hear them.

You’ve suggested seeing supervisors and HR departments in the past. But these people have worked here for many years and their decibel level has become a joke. Everyone else, including my boss, talks over other people’s desks as well. I am looking for some office etiquette regarding noise in the workplace in the hope of embarrassing them into being quiet. Too Loud

Dear Too Loud: Codes of conduct for the workplace need to be enforced by someone in a position of authority. If your boss condones and contributes to the level of noise, there isn’t much you can do. One option is to politely ask the offenders to tone it down because the constant clamor makes it difficult to concentrate on your work. Or, if your boss has a supervisor, you can complain to that person about the lack of professionalism. Other than that, however, invest in a better set of sound-blocking headphones. Sorry.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Worried,” whose boyfriend belittled her intelligence and said she asked too many questions. It’s been 40 years since I fell in love with a man like that. We are still together, but I fell out of love with him many years ago. I was intelligent, pretty, talented and fun to be with, but he convinced me otherwise.

As the years went by, he became more and more critical and judgmental of our children and me. When I look back to the beginning of our relationship, I can still remember several incidents that should have been red flags, but I ignored them. My advice to “Worried” is to get out now, before she makes a commitment. It might be painful, but not as painful as a lifetime of criticism. Older and Wiser

Dear Older and Wiser: You aren’t the only one who wrote and suggested that she run far away or at least re-evaluate their commitment. We agree that belittling comments do not bode well for the future of the relationship.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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