Candles provide solace to parents

Event celebrates lives of deceased children

By ELISE McKEOWN SKOLNICK

VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT

AUSTINTOWN — The ceremony was simple — music played softly, poems were read and candles were lit — but it was packed with meaning.

Parents and other family members came together Sunday to remember children who have died.

The candle-lighting event, sponsored by the Western Reserve chapter of the Compassionate Friends, was part of a worldwide celebration.

“It’s parents, grandparents, relatives coming together in remembrance of children who are no longer here with us, but we say they live in our hearts,” said Mary Kadvan, organizer of the local event.

Kadvan’s 28-year-old son, Jimmy, died nine years ago in an industrial accident.

“For me, right now, I’m not here for myself anymore,” noted Kadvan, of Austintown. “I’m here to help our newly bereaved come through the door.”

She wants to help others realize what she has: “You can go on. You can pick up your pieces, and you can go on. You’ll never forget, and you’ll never get over it, but you can go through it.”

During the ceremony at First Free Will Baptist Church, candles symbolizing grief, courage, memories, love and hope were lit. After that, parents and relatives took turns lighting a candle and saying the name of their lost loved one.

Betty Zub of Boardman participates in the ceremony every year. She lost her 27-year-old son, John, to cancer 12 years ago.

Though time has healed her loss enough that she no longer attends monthly Compassionate Friends meetings, she would never miss the candle-lighting, she said.

“This is a beautiful memorial to our children,” Zub said. “I think it’s extremely important for all of us to be able to not only remember our children but remember others. And to realize we’re not alone, because there are times, even 12 years later, we can feel so alone.”

Sunday marked the 13th annual Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. On the second Sunday in December every year, candles are lit from 7 until 8 p.m. worldwide, creating a virtual 24-hour wave of light as candles are lit in each time zone. The goal is to unite family and friends around the globe as they honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause.

The Western Reserve chapter meets at 7 p.m. on the first Thursday of each month at the Lord of Life Lutheran Church in Canfield. It’s a support group for parents who have lost a child.