He should honor wife’s last wishes concerning her parents
Dear Annie: My wife is the only child of two “free spirit” parents. They didn’t have time to raise her, so her aunt, who is now deceased, stepped in. My in-laws have never been close to us or our children. When we moved across the country to be near them, they moved to another state because they “wanted their space.”
Five years ago, my father-in-law realized his grandchildren barely knew him, and he suggested we meet at a vacation spot between our two homes. However, he wanted to do it within the month, and neither my wife nor I had any available vacation time and we didn’t want to pull our kids out of school. We explained the situation and suggested another time. We were told quite curtly that they wouldn’t be bothering us anymore, and we haven’t heard from them since.
My wife has sent cards, notes and pictures of the kids and we’ve phoned, but the calls go to voice mail and are never returned.
We hear from mutual friends that they are busy traveling and building a new home, so we know they are OK.
The problem is that my wife was diagnosed with cancer and has a poor prognosis for recovery.
I am reeling with worry and grief and don’t need to deal with my self-absorbed in-laws. My wife does not want them to know she is ill. She says the stress will only make her worse.
She also says if she dies, she doesn’t want her parents to know until after the funeral because she is quite certain they will show up and make it all about them, crying in a bid for attention, moaning about the loss of a daughter they never had time for.
My wife is not being vindictive. She made peace with their relationship long ago. I want to honor her wishes. What do you think we should do? Still Reeling
Dear Reeling: Honor her wishes. Your in-laws have not earned the right to be considered members of the family, and they don’t know how to be any different.
Treat them as you would distant acquaintances you haven’t seen in years.
Please know your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Dear Annie: My husband and I both take prescription medication with our evening meal, which is often at a restaurant. I carry a few pills in separate baggies with the proper dosages.
Is it true that I could be arrested for carrying these pills in an unlabeled container instead of the prescription bottle from the pharmacy?
We recently began receiving our meds in bulk through the mail. If I need to carry the original bottles, which are fairly large, we would need a small suitcase. Senior Delinquent
Dear Delinquent: If you have a legal prescription for your medications, you are OK. Of course, if a police officer pulls you over for speeding and finds a plastic bag full of pills in your car, you might have to produce the original bottles before being released. (And the State Department does not recommend traveling overseas without your prescriptions.)
Dear Annie: Awhile back you printed a letter from “Dad’s Crazy,” who disapproves of her 52-year-old divorced father pursuing happiness with a younger woman. I wish I’d had the courage to leave when an amazing young lady loved me. My wife has let herself go and spends all my hard-earned money on her family, her grooming, her entertainment, her clothing, etc. I sacrificed a great deal to provide a good life for my family, and it’s never acknowledged.
I feel taken for granted. Midlife crises are men’s revolt against injustice. Many of us are stuck in stale marriages because we can’t afford to leave, and we die before we can retire. I’d say Dad’s crazy if he doesn’t enjoy that young lady. Neglected
Dear Neglected: Please tell your wife how you feel and get into counseling. It’s never too late to try.
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