Obessive online gaming calls for stricter boundaries

Dear Annie: My wife of 15 years is seriously addicted to fantasy role-playing games, often spending 12 hours or more online every day. I really can’t begrudge her this form of entertainment. We are both retired, and she should be free to spend her time as she pleases. I manage to keep myself quite busy with a number of activities. The problem is, I see her withdrawing from the real world in which I prefer to live. I favor face-to-face relationships with actual people, whereas she considers her online “guildies” to be her true friends.

I realize that behind every avatar on her computer screen, there is a real person with whom she feels she has a relationship. But she is unwilling to maintain boundaries between her fantasy and reality lives.

She invites her fellow players to be our guests whenever their travels take them in our direction. I say that she doesn’t really know these people, and it compromises our safety and well-being when she invites strangers into our home.

Recently, she invited a male player to stay here at a time when she knew I would be traveling.

Although I trust her implicitly, I am extremely uncomfortable with this arrangement.

How can I convince my wife to respect my need for stricter boundaries? EverCrack Widower

Dear Widower: Online gamers who play obsessively and withdraw from the real world are addicts, the same as compulsive gamblers. (There is even an online support group, Online Gamers Anonymous at olganon.org.)

Your wife prefers living as her alternate persona in a fantasy world and doesn’t see any risk inherent in trusting her fellow avatars.

You need to be the one who sets the boundaries in the real world. No more invitations. Period.

Dear Annie: Having just finished cleaning up after our third round of vacation guests, it’s time to remind visitors how to be a gracious guest at someone’s home:

UPick up after yourselves. Don’t leave your belongings all over the place.

UMake sure your hosts have time to themselves. It’s exhausting to have people around all the time, and we need to take care of day-to-day business.

UDon’t assume your hosts can abandon their daily schedule to accommodate you. Plan your arrival and departure with them ahead of time.

UContribute to the cost of groceries. Don’t complain if your hosts use products you wouldn’t. If you want something special, buy it yourself.

UTake your hosts out to dinner at least once — and pay.

UIf you expect your hosts to accompany you to tourist sites, offer to pay at least part of their admission. Remember, they have probably been to these sites dozens of times.

UConsider purchasing a small gift such as a bottle of wine to say “thank you.”

UIf you don’t like these “extras,” stay at a hotel.

At the end of the season, we hosts compare visits to determine who had the worst guests in their home. That’s a contest no one wants to win. Santa Fe Hosts

Dear Santa Fe: All your suggestions are good ones, and we hope visitors will pay attention.

Dear Annie: I had to laugh when I read the letter from “Tired of It,” whose husband “hollers” when he yawns. I also holler when I yawn and stretch, and there is nothing physically wrong with me. I’ve always done it (at home) and enjoy the release.

My advice to her would be to try it herself. She might find it relaxing. And if not, ignore him and chalk it up to simply dealing with the annoying habits of people we love. Hollering Hannah

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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