Low-paid college grad finds need to steal

Dear Annie: I graduated magna cum laude from college a year ago. I worked hard in school and believed it would pay off in the job market. However, I have found it difficult to find employment. The only place willing to hire me was the grocery store where I worked when I was in high school.

I live in an expensive area and my wages are low, so I have a hard time paying my bills. I often resort to eating expired food at work and forgoing expenses such as fixing my car. When I developed health problems last year, it cost me my entire savings. I am uninsured and worry what would happen if I got sick again. I’ve been told I make $20 too much each month to qualify for food stamps. Asking my parents for help is not an option.

To make ends meet, I have had to make some moral compromises. Namely, I’ve started shoplifting. At first, I took food from the grocery store once in a while, but lately it’s become a daily occurrence. I’ve also started stealing from other places. I’m careful, but I know eventually it will catch up to me and make my life even worse. But I can’t seem to stop. I feel I deserve to have these things. I know I sound crazy. I can’t afford counseling. What can I do? Confused in California

Dear California: We understand the economic difficulties, but you have crossed an ethical and legal line and must find a way to extricate yourself from this mess before you end up in jail. Shoplifting is often a symptom of compulsive behavior, and in your case, you obviously have some anger about the job situation, along with a sense of entitlement, both of which feed your compulsion.

Contact Shoplifters Anonymous (shopliftersanonymous.com) at C.A.S.A., P.O. Box 250008, Franklin, MI 48025 for information and support. In the meantime, please move to a less-expensive area and get a roommate before you are assigned one in your prison cell.

Dear Annie: I am an 87-year-old widower and have a 71-year-old girlfriend who is a widow. We have been going together nearly five years. I want to marry her, but she is reluctant.

My family has met her and overwhelmingly approves. But she refuses to allow me to meet any of her family or friends. She has three children, and her mother is still living. She says they wouldn’t like me and would resent my taking her away from them when they need her.

I am in good health. Money is not a problem. My friends tell me I should find someone else before it is too late. I don’t want to meet any other lady. She is the one for me. We love each other and have a great time when we can be together. I am tired of living alone. I told her that in exactly one month I am going to make them aware of our relationship. Any suggestions? Lonely

Dear Lonely: In many instances where someone refuses to introduce family members and friends, it is because the other person is either married or seeing someone else. However, many widows have difficulty asserting their own needs. If your girlfriend is passive about your ultimatum, it likely means she tacitly approves and wants you to take charge of the situation. If she vigorously protests, however, we do not see this relationship progressing beyond its current state. Sorry.

Dear Annie: “Not That Fat,” whose husband recently left her, said, “Now that I’m going to be single, I realize I should focus on looking better.” How could you let that go without comment? I guess once she finds another husband she can let herself go again. Isn’t that the implication? Steve in Rockford, Ill.

Dear Steve: It does seem so, doesn’t it? Both men and women try harder when looking to impress a date, but it requires a lot of effort to maintain.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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