Lakeside home could turn into a nightmare

Dear Annie: I married “Chris,” a wonderful man, last year. I have grown children from my previous marriage and so does Chris. He was divorced nearly 10 years before I met him.

Chris’ daughter, “Emily,” informed him early on that she doesn’t want a relationship with my children. I thought once she got to know my kids, it wouldn’t be a problem, but I was wrong. She has blatantly ignored them. She never acknowledges their presence or speaks to them.

Chris and his ex-wife still own some lakeside property together. They were going to sell it when they divorced, but the children begged them to hang on to it. Emily is busy making plans for everyone to invest in building a summer home on the property. I am reluctant to be involved, however, because I doubt my children will be welcome there. Chris has assured me this is not so, but I don’t believe it.

I would feel much better if Chris severed this final tie to his ex and deeded the property to his children. But Chris is excited about having a place by the lake. He says it would be a dream come true.

This is eating away at me. What do you think about a divorced couple owning property together? Bewildered Second Wife

Dear Bewildered: It would be simplest if Chris sold or gave his share of the house to his children or ex-wife, and possibly bought some other lakeside property. However, if he will resent you for demanding this, try to work around it. Arrange with everyone to set up a “joint custody” schedule giving Chris, the ex-wife and his grown children equal time at the summer home, allowing you and your children to be there when Emily is not.

Dear Annie: Our parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in November. My sister and I assumed we would take them out for a nice dinner with the grandchildren, but my parents booked a cruise instead.

Mom recently made a comment that she was forced to plan the cruise since her children “aren’t doing anything” for their anniversary. My father also said he was disappointed we weren’t doing anything special.

My sister and I are both in our early 30s with growing families. Throwing a big party would create a major financial burden. My husband and I have been tucking away money for a vacation for four years, and spending it on our parents would mean starting over. My sister has huge credit card debt and a new baby.

Is there anything wrong with a nice dinner? We plan to do something for their 50th, which is more monumental and when I assume we will be in better financial shape. Are parents allowed to demand anniversary parties? Party Poopers

Dear Party: No. However, not everyone reaches 50 years together, and your parents may feel this anniversary is as monumental as they’re going to get. You need to have an honest discussion with your folks. Say you’re sorry you don’t have the resources to give them the party they feel they deserve and you’d like to mark the occasion in a more modest way. We hope they can scale back their expectations.

Dear Annie: I had to laugh at the letter about flossing in public. Years ago, I attended an evening arts event. Sitting on my right was a well-coifed couple. When the lights dimmed, “Mrs. Coifed” pulled out some dental floss, handed a strip to her husband and took some for herself.

They then proceeded to floss their teeth during the presentation, in front of a crowded audience. When her husband was done, he apparently couldn’t decide what to do with the floss, so he crammed it between our seats, thus rubbing his floss on my skirt.

Thinking a quick exit would be the trick, I left the presentation, only to find the pair of them in the elevator with me. Honolulu

Dear Honolulu: Gee, if you’d known they would be there, you could have returned his floss. Yuck.

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