Siblings feel like unwanted stepkids

October 25, 2008 at 12:00a.m.

Dear Annie: My mother divorced when I was 6 years old and remarried when I was 12. My sister and I never had a relationship with our biological father, thus our stepfather was the only father in our lives. When my mother had two more children, “Frank” and “Judy,” it was a joyous occasion for the family. But as we grew up, things changed dramatically.

My stepfather and mother have given Frank and Judy everything — including emotional and financial support. My sister and I, however, are not acknowledged as part of their family. Neither of us, nor our children, has ever received anything from them — not even a card on our birthdays. Meanwhile, trust funds were set up for Judy and Frank’s children, and large sums of cash are doled out to them each Christmas.

We have stayed close, but there is always that feeling that we are really not part of the family. My stepfather actually said those words to my daughter when she asked for a picture of Dad’s mother. It was quite hurtful.

My sister and I are both professionals and don’t need the money and gifts, but the blatant disregard for our feelings is hard to take. Talking to them about it is not an option. What else can we do? Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: Many stepparents favor their biological children (unintentionally or otherwise), but where is your mother in all this? Is she so enamored of her husband that she is willing to forget she has other children and grandchildren? You really should speak to her about the favoritism and lack of inclusion. If she refuses to deal with it, try thinking of them as distant cousins — friendly, but not as close as immediate family. Then forge a tighter bond with your in-laws or friends who can fill the void.

Dear Annie: I hope you will print this letter to let blood donors know they are appreciated. In a few days, my son Robert will be getting a stem cell transplant to hopefully cure his body of leukemia.

It started over a year ago. Robert was tired all the time and often weak and sick to his stomach. The doctor checked his blood and told me to take Robert to the hospital immediately. My heart fell out of my chest. Tests from a specialist showed that he had leukemia.

Since then, Robert has relied on blood donations in order to live. I have lost count of how many times he has received chemo, and afterward, he needs donor platelets and red blood cells until his own body starts producing them again.

While we wait for his transplant (his twin donated), I would like to thank each and every person who takes time out of their busy schedule to donate blood, platelets and plasma. Thank you for giving my son a second chance to live. Arkansas

Dear Arkansas: We send our prayers, along with our hopes that your letter will encourage others to donate today.

Dear Annie: Thank you so much for mentioning NORD in your column. We appreciated your kind words and, even more, your drawing attention to rare diseases.

In the days after the column was published, we received hundreds of phone calls and thousands of visits to our Web site. Some people had specific questions to discuss with our registered nurse and genetic counselor. Others simply wanted to make contact and learn more about how we could help them.

There was, however, one common theme: Everyone who called or wrote expressed relief and gratitude to find that an organization existed specifically for people with rare diseases. Thank you so much for the good work you do to help connect your readers with resources that they might otherwise not ever access. Sincerely Mary Dunkle, Vice President for Communications

Dear Mary Dunkle: Thank you for your kind words. Once again, readers, the address is NORD (rarediseases.org), 55 Kenosia Ave., P.O. Box 1968, Danbury, CT 06813-1968.

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