7-year-old ‘Lindsay’ needs to be brought under control

Dear Annie: My friend has a 7-year-old daughter, “Lindsay,” who is completely out of control. Lindsay needs to be the center of attention and always has to have her own way. She’s quite a negotiator and the word no is not in her vocabulary. She lies constantly. You can see her say or do something and then she will deny it and cry.

Lindsay steals. She has no friends. Her grandparents dote on her. Her mom yells idle threats and never follows through. What will this child be like in a couple of years? She is very intelligent, which only makes her think she can get away with anything. So far, it’s working.

I am in this girl’s company a lot, so any help would be appreciated. Concerned in Connecticut

Dear Concerned: Are you in a position to teach this girl how to behave so others will like her? Are you able to talk to her, quietly and privately, and explain that trust is hard-won but easily lost? If you are friends with Mom and see Lindsay only in her company, we recommend you find some parenting books and give them to Mom as a Christmas gift, saying you (or people you know) found them useful and you thought she’d enjoy them. We feel sorry for children whose parents are afraid to raise them with respect and discipline.

Dear Annie: My father’s family has held an annual reunion for 41 years. We usually take a long weekend and go to a campground.

The problem is my cousin Ralph’s wife, “Rose.” For the past 20 years, she has invited her extended family and their friends (about 30 people) to our family reunion. We always try to make them feel welcome, but it’s becoming difficult. Some years ago, my Aunt Mary announced that there were so many people that we couldn’t tell who was a family member and who was a friend of Rose’s. They didn’t take the hint.

Now there is no additional space available to reserve at the campground, so at our annual family meeting I made a motion that future reunions be limited to our family members only. Everyone approved, but when we discussed it privately with Ralph and Rose, she became enraged and we did nothing. At the reunion, one of my cousins gave a very honest and thoughtful explanation of why we’d like to limit participation, after which Rose objected, using a loud voice and foul language.

We all agree something needs to be done to reclaim the family reunion, but we don’t know what. Your comments, please. Not Related in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: After 20 years, Rose thinks this is her personal reunion. Some families wouldn’t mind the extra people (you can give out name tags to differentiate family members), but since you do, tell her the extended group will no longer be accommodated and let her get angry. She can reserve her own campground area if she insists on bringing people, or you can move the reunion to an indoor location and refuse entry to anyone who is not a family member. But you must have the backbone to follow through or Rose will be hijacking this reunion forever.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from Susan Molinari, former chair of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee’s Railroad Subcommittee, who warned of the risk of trying to outrun a train.

I’d like to point out that whether crossing train tracks on foot or in your car, you also must be very careful after a train has just passed. Sometimes there is another train coming from the opposite direction, which you will not see because the train in front of you is hiding it. People should wait before crossing until their view of all tracks is unobstructed. Wellesley, Mass.

Dear Wellesley: Thank you for the life-saving counsel. Please, readers, don’t be in such a hurry. The train will always win.

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