Ed’s drunken behavior puts party in jeopardy

Dear Annie: We live in an upper-middle-class neighborhood adjacent to a community park. Once a year, there is a “community day” at the park with a parade, rides for the children, ethnic food and fireworks. Since we live so close, we always open our house to family, friends and neighbors, providing food and refreshments, as well as some adult beverages.

My wife and I both drink in moderation, as do our friends, but there is one person in our circle who tries to set the drinking record every year. “Ed” begins drinking early in the day (he brings his own bottle of hard liquor), and by late afternoon, he is slurring words and unable to walk straight. He also abuses prescription pills and makes little effort to hide this fact. When he becomes rude, vulgar and obnoxious, as he eventually does, he embarrasses himself, his family and everyone who attends the event.

Ed’s behavior has finally reached critical mass, so much so that we have considered closing our house and going away that weekend because of one drunk who ruins the party for 50 people. In years past, we have asked Ed to behave, to no avail. If we don’t invite him, we will never hear the end of it at every other family event we attend. What alternatives do we have? Perplexed in Pennsylvania

Dear Perplexed: We would opt to stop inviting him regardless. If you don’t want to do that, assign someone to “baby-sit.” Arrange in advance for that person to take Ed home when he becomes too drunk to be properly social. You can try talking to him about this when he is sober, telling him his drinking is out of control and he needs help. Then give him the number for Alcoholics Anonymous (aa.org). It’s in the phone book.

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my husband and I bought a vacation home on the coast. The problem is that my in-laws are there constantly. They never offer to chip in on the increased electric or water bill. Worse, they often arrive when we are using the place for our family vacation and horn in on our time. The last straw was when they showed up with friends and gave them a tour when we weren’t there. The place was a mess because we were having it painted.

My husband finally took back the key he’d given them, but I can’t believe we have to go to such measures. What else can we do? Shouldn’t they have some common sense and be more respectful of our privacy? Coastal Blues

Dear Blues: They should have the sense not to abuse their visiting privileges, but they don’t. Your husband made the right call. If the folks can’t be trusted to respect your privacy and your home, they should not have access. But try to invite them for a visit now and then. It will soothe the hard feelings.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Confused and Frustrated,” the 11-year-old girl whose parents fight so much she fears they will divorce.

Attention parents — grow up! It is your responsibility to provide a loving sanctuary for the nurturing of your child. You set the example for how she will handle anger, communicate with a spouse and raise your grandchildren. Fighting shows a lack of respect to your child, your spouse and yourself. It causes children to be insecure in their own home and makes them feel responsible for keeping the peace between their parents.

Attend an anger management class, and practice the techniques to resolve your differences in a loving and respectful way. Commit time and energy to your marriage so you can create a loving home for your children. Your choices should never become their responsibility. Jacksonville, Fla.

Dear Jacksonville: Thanks for the good suggestions. Parents need to realize what they are doing to their children when they allow them to witness constant discord.

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