15-year-old seems bent on ruining her life

Dear Annie: I am a 19-year-old girl with wonderful parents. The problem is my 15-year-old sister, “Siena.” She does drugs, disobeys, lies, sneaks out of the house and is close to flunking out of school.

I hate to see all the stress Siena causes my parents. They have tried grounding her, but she sneaks out. They have said her friends are no longer welcome in the house, but there are other ways for her to see her friends. They don’t give her money because they fear she will buy drugs, but she always manages to get drugs from her friends.

I think my parents need to create a stricter punishment, but it seems they are slowly giving up. A few days ago, the police called saying my parents should pick Siena up because she was caught drinking in a church parking lot. So far, they have not punished her.

Annie, no one in my house knows what to do. These little punishments aren’t accomplishing anything. Please give us some help. Seven people in this household are all ears. Big Sister

Dear Big Sister: It can be hard to get through to someone who is determined to mess up her life as a form of rebellion. Siena apparently has a stable family life, and eventually this will help her find her way back. In the meantime, she is going to make things difficult for everyone. Your parents sound tired, but they can find help and support by contacting Because I Love You (bily.org) at P.O. Box 2062, Winnetka, CA 91396-2062.

Dear Annie: We are good friends with another couple. Recently, we accidentally injured our friend’s dog. The veterinarian’s bill was over $500. We have offered to pay $300, but our friends think we should be responsible for the whole bill.

We don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, but we feel we have paid enough. Remorseful

Dear Remorseful: Sorry, but if the injury was your fault, accidental or not, you should pay the entire bill. If you cannot afford the full amount, ask your friends if you can pay them back in installments.

Dear Annie: You’ve printed a lot of letters from women bashing men. One recently said she is thinking of leaving her husband because all he thinks she is good for is cooking, cleaning and laundry.

When was the last time she asked her husband how he was feeling? Did he have a good day? Would he like something to drink? When was the last time she actually showed any desire for him intellectually, sexually and emotionally? Did she ever give him compliments? Did she spend time with him doing things he liked, or did she just tell him how to do things as if he were an idiot? Did she ever thank him for going to work every day and providing for her? Did she ever greet him with a hug and kiss?

In this enlightened society, it is required that men help with housework, even if the wife is a stay-at-home mom. When did she go to his office and help him with his work? I do the laundry, clean the floors and wash the dishes, as well as all the outside maintenance, lawn mowing, snow removal, etc. Most men don’t mind helping. We just need some appreciation and recognition.

When my youngest is off to college, I will leave to find a more fulfilling situation. Eight Years To Go

Dear Eight Years: Communication and consideration are major ingredients in a solid marriage. Have you told your wife that you need some sign that she appreciates you? Many women don’t realize how much they take their husbands for granted. If you haven’t had counseling, please try it before you walk out.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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