How to talk to children about holiday drinking

Associated Press

If you’re planning on having a few cocktails at family gatherings this holiday season, experts say you should keep in mind that children may be watching.

“The main message is, if people drink, they should drink responsibly,” said Vivian B. Faden, deputy director of the Division of Epidemiology and Prevention Research for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism in Bethesda, Md. “It’s not a one-time conversation. While the holidays present a good opportunity, there needs to be ongoing conversation about drinking.”

Some specific advice for parents:

UMake sure your children see you socializing with and without alcohol.

“It’s easy for kids to get the wrong message about alcohol and drinking,” said D’Arcy Lyness, medical editor for Nemours’ KidsHealth.org and a child and adolescent psychologist. If you always associate having a good time with drinking, your children will too.

That’s why Cynthia Marquez doesn’t always serve alcohol to the family’s dinner guests.

“It depends on who comes over,” said the Cathedral City, Calif., mother whose daughters are 14 and 20. “We have a group of friends who don’t drink at all, and we still have the same amount of fun.”

UAppoint a designated driver.

An important part of drinking responsibly in front of your children is modeling behavior that you want your children to follow, so addressing drinking and driving is crucial, said Tom Hedrick, founding member of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America in New York.

“One adult in the family should clearly be the designated driver,” he said.

It’s even a good idea for parents to discuss in front of the children who is going to drive the family home after a party. Designated drivers should refrain from drinking or explain that they will limit their drinking to what the law considers safe for driving.

Although it’s not uncommon for Lela Davidson and her husband, John, to both have a glass of wine with dinner at their Rogers, Ark., home, the couple behaves differently when the family dines out.

“When we go to the Mexican restaurant only one of us is having the margarita,” she said.

The Davidsons say they want to set an example for their 10-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter that it’s not safe to drink and drive.

UDon’t ignore drunken behavior.

If your child is old enough to notice that a friend or family member is acting strangely, use it as an opportunity to talk about what happens when someone drinks too much, said Carleton Kendrick, author of “Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We’re Going to Grandma’s.”

“I don’t think you should say nothing,” the family therapist added. “Explain how sometimes alcohol allows people and encourages people to say and do things they might have not said or done if they hadn’t drunk it.”

When the Marquez family witnessed another patron at a restaurant become loud and obnoxious after drinking, Cynthia Marquez emphasized the importance of drinking in moderation to her 14-year-old daughter.

“She looked a little bit scared,” Marquez recalled. “I told her that’s what happens when people drink too much. They lose control.”

UDecide before your child asks whether you will allow him or her to have a sip of alcohol.

Some experts disagree on whether it’s OK to let children have a small sip of alcohol from an adult’s glass. (Some states allow parents of minors to serve them alcohol in certain cases.)

Some suggest that allowing sips underscores that alcohol — when used responsibly — is often part of festive gatherings. Kendrick, the family therapist, remembers taking sips of his parents’ drinks as a child.

“There was never any taboo nature to it,” he said. “If you view alcohol as something that will primarily get you in trouble, I think you are explaining the consumption of it in a harmful manner and creating a taboo.”

Others argue that it makes more sense to tell children no. Forbidding sips makes it easier to enforce the idea that children are not allowed to drink, said Hedrick of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America.

Be prepared for children and teenagers to ask why it’s OK for you to drink but not them.

Start by reminding them: “Underage drinking is against the law,” said Faden of the alcohol abuse institute. “It’s legal for people over 21.”

It’s also a good idea to explain that drinking is unhealthy for young people because their brains are still developing, Hedrick added.

The argument worked on Christina McMenemy when she was growing up.

“My mother explained the dangers to me,” said the Grove City, Ohio, mother of two small children. “It’s a message I’m sure I’ll hit on during the teenage years. It’s not OK when you’re younger because you’re still growing.”