Wife and mother needs some friends

Dear Annie: When my husband retired from the military, he was offered a great job in another state. The pay is terrific and there is a wonderful pension plan.

The problem is this city. It is unfriendly, crime-ridden and filled with alcoholics and people who dump trash everywhere. I am also sick of the weather. It is either hot and dry or hotter and drier.

After four years and two different jobs, I have made no friends. I am a polite, easygoing person and don’t understand it. We have been through several online meet-up groups with no luck, and we are atheists, so church is not an option.

I am now a stay-at-home mother. I find myself crying more often than not. I sit in front of the TV every day because I have no one to talk to except my husband and children. I find myself being overly critical of things that used to just roll off me. I need friends — women to shop with, lunch with and do all those other girl things.

My husband suggested antidepressants and I tried them for 18 months. The only benefit was a very mellow personality and 37 extra pounds. My husband doesn’t want to move, because he likes his job. Divorce is not an option. Any suggestions? Not the Land of Enchantment

Dear Not: No one should need drugs in order to adapt to a new home, but friends can make a place more tolerable. Invite some of your husband’s co-workers and their spouses for dinner. See if there are mothers in the pediatrician’s office with whom you could form a play group. Start a book club. Host a holiday party for the neighbors. Volunteer for some parent programs at the school.

Developing friendships takes time and effort. If you are stuck in this city, please don’t give up trying to make connections.

Dear Annie: Last Monday, a supplier called and asked whether my boss needed the supplies shipped immediately or wanted to wait until there was something else to ship with them.

When I asked my boss, he said he needed the supplies “next Friday.” I wasn’t sure which Friday he meant, so I asked, “Not this Friday, but next Friday?” He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “No, this Friday. Where did you go to school?”

Have I been totally screwed up all these years? Confused in the Rockies

Dear Confused: This has been confusing people for decades. We checked with Rob Kyff, who writes a nationally syndicated column on grammar and language. He says: “’Next Friday’ can mean either the Friday immediately coming up or the Friday after that. Many people were taught to use this for a day of the week coming up and next for the one after that. When someone refers to next Friday, it’s always wise to verify which one they mean.”

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