Mother needs parenting advice

Dear Annie: Due to financial setbacks, my sister and her two children have been living with my husband and me for over a year. The problem is that her 6-year-old son is a mama’s boy. “Alan” refuses to listen to anyone. He throws tantrums when his mother is not around and even kicks his sister and tells his cousin he hates her. When we inform his mother of this, she ignores us. It is quite aggravating.

We’ve tried to discipline Alan numerous times, but as soon as his mom comes home from work, she rewards him by letting him play video games. Another problem is that my sister refuses to let Alan sleep by himself. She says he is not ready to be alone at night, so she puts him in bed with her.

Annie, is this a healthy relationship for either of them? How can I talk to her seriously about Alan when she will not listen to anyone? Annoyed Aunt

Dear Aunt: For whatever reason, your sister feels the need to coddle Alan. This is more for her benefit than his because she is doing him no favor. Good parenting is hard work, and she is taking the path of least resistance. You may provide appropriate discipline when Alan’s mother is not present. What she does when she comes home is out of your control. If you cannot convince her that she is doing her son a disservice, you might pick up some books on parenting and leave them in her bedroom. We hope she cares enough about her son to read them.

Dear Annie: I’m a 25-year-old woman in a committed relationship. Because I work in a public setting, I interact with dozens of people every day. Frequently, men ask me for personal information I don’t wish to share — whether I’m married, my telephone number, etc. I have no problem answering a direct question, but what do I do when the situation is vague?

Often I can tell when someone is working up to asking me for my number, and I’d like to head them off before it happens. Sometimes they ask for something seemingly innocuous, like my e-mail address. I don’t want to give it out, but don’t know on what grounds I can refuse. There is no way to casually drop my boyfriend into the conversation. How do I stop these advances before they start? Not Flattered Anymore

Dear Not Flattered: Your problem is easily solved with normal etiquette rules. The proper response is to smile politely and say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t give out my personal information. You can contact any of us through the office.” That tells them you are not interested, while remaining professional.

Dear Annie: A couple of years ago, I wrote you regarding my husband’s interest in hang gliding. I never told anyone of that letter. I wrote that he traveled for his sport and that I had gone with him and carried his gear, but then I got interested in biking and stopped. He claimed I wasn’t being supportive. You told me it’s OK to have separate interests and that we should compromise so that each of us accompanies the other on occasion. I took your advice and put no pressure on him to change hobbies.

Since then, my husband bought a tandem bicycle. After riding casually for seven months, we entered a time trial and did fairly well. We upgraded and have participated in several tandem competitions since. We both enjoy it. He’s found a way for us to spend time together, both casually and competitively, and now he’s training to do his first triathlon.

I’m grateful for your sensible advice. We’re very happy, and I thank you for your perspective when I couldn’t find mine. Count us as one of your successes. Hang-Widow No More

Dear Hang-Widow: Thanks for making our day. Happy trails!

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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