They should help ‘Simone’ with pigsty

Dear Annie: Our 34-year-old daughter, “Simone,” a single mother of two, has an excellent, high-paying job and spends 70-80 hours each week at work. In the meantime, her children are with me, my wife or their other grandparents.

Simone lives next door to us in a very nice home that she inherited. She pays only real estate taxes and insurance. But the house is a complete mess. There is no place one can normally walk. The carpet is so filthy it will need to be replaced rather than cleaned, the sink is full of dirty dishes and her bedroom is a pigsty. She frequently delivers her 6-year-old daughter late to school. Simone is behind in her credit card payments because of her and her ex’s “instant gratification” habits. She’s been in credit counseling for several months.

In spite of all this, Simone is a pretty, charming, intelligent, educated young lady with a fianc who loves her dearly, as do all the members of her family. The older adults in her extended family care for the children with great love.

We are concerned that the local child protection agency might object to the way Simone is living and caring for her children. Even though we are in agreement that something must be done, we are unsure how to proceed. Is it time for a family intervention? If not, then what? Older and Wiser

Dear Older and Wiser: Unless someone reports Simone to the authorities, no one will investigate her pigsty. It is very difficult for a single mother with a demanding job to also be a thorough housekeeper, and once things get out of control, it’s overwhelming to get organized. We suspect she’s doing the best she can. Your assistance with the child care is an enormous help, but before a family intervention, try a family handout. Hire someone to clean her house. Then suggest to Simone that she have cleaning help come regularly if she can afford it. Without being critical, help her understand that her children will function better in an organized home and it will make her life easier.

Dear Annie: We are having a 50th wedding anniversary party. Is it OK to put “No gifts, please” on the invitation? I say yes, my wife says no. You will rule. Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: According to strict etiquette, no mention of gifts should be in the invitation, since it presupposes that guests are expected to get you something.

Also, some guests will think you mean it and others won’t, and the ones who show up empty-handed will feel somehow remiss. You can pass the word through close friends or family members that you don’t want any gifts, or that you prefer a donation to a specific charity. However, someone once came up with a charming invitation that we liked so much, we will pass it along: “Mr. and Mrs. Smith invite relatives and friends to attend a reception in celebration of our 50th wedding anniversary. Your love and friendship are cherished gifts. We respectfully request no other.” (P.S.: Congratulations.)

Dear Annie: I read with amusement your advice to “No State Sue,” whose husband wanted her to wear a trashy outfit when they went out of town. You suggested she wear a wig so no one would recognize her.

OK, so they don’t know it’s her, but they’d see her husband, out of town, with some strange floozy in a trashy outfit. I hardly think that’s an improvement. Her friends will think her husband is a two-timing louse. I guess the best way to tell would be to see how many friends stop speaking to him afterward.

She should either wear the outfit or not. If someone sees her, she should just boldly say “So?” She can wear what she wants. Bad taste isn’t a crime. Incognito

Dear In: We’re laughing at the great visual you’ve provided. Maybe they both can wear wigs — along with fake mustaches and sunglasses.

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