They have put a price tag on their love for Grandpa

Dear Annie: I am a 90-year-old widower with a problem I cannot understand. I just know I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.

My granddaughter and her husband led me to believe they wanted me to live with them. To do so, I would have to sell my property and buy a brand-new house for all of us, which would easily cost a million dollars in this area. There is no way “Lola and Ivan” could ever pay for such an expense.

They already owe me about $18,000 for other loans, and I don’t count on ever receiving this money. I refused their offer to buy a house with them. The problem is, ever since I said “no,” they’ve cut me off. They will not answer the phone when I call, and I have lost contact with my great-grandchildren — all of whom I love dearly.

How can I make them understand how much I need them? I have very few family members left. Anonymous Grandpa

Dear Grandpa: They already know how much you need them. In fact, they are counting on it to pressure you into buying them a house. This is the price tag they have put on your relationship. Is there a family member who can intercede on your behalf and persuade Lola and Ivan to stay in contact? We know you love the great-grandchildren, but their mercenary parents are using them to get to you, and frankly, you’re better off focusing your love and attention elsewhere. We bet you have a lifetime of stories to share. Please consider volunteering at your local hospital or children’s shelter, where you will be appreciated. And if Lola and Ivan see that you cannot be blackmailed, maybe they will reconsider.

Dear Annie: I have a question regarding the etiquette of using handicapped stalls in public restrooms. Are they to be used only by the handicapped, or is it OK for others to utilize them if there are no handicapped people in the restroom?

I often see obviously able-bodied people coming out of the handicapped stalls, even when other stalls are unoccupied. (Obviously, their larger size makes them easier to use.)

I was in a restaurant recently, and when I entered the restroom, all the regular stalls were occupied. There wasn’t anyone waiting to use that particular stall, so I went in because I really needed to go. I was only inside for a couple of minutes when a woman in a wheelchair was brought in by her husband. As I exited the stall, she muttered, “Oh, there she comes now, and she isn’t even handicapped.” Was I wrong to use that stall? K.T.

Dear K.T.: No. It is OK for an able-bodied person to use a handicapped stall if all the other stalls are occupied, there is no handicapped person waiting, you are in extreme need and your stay will be brief. Otherwise, it’s best to allow that stall to remain unoccupied.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Unsure,” the 18-year-old who has a breast lump. Although it is unclear what kind of doctor she spoke to, I am betting it was not a gynecologist who gave her a clinical breast exam.

Breast lumps in young women should never just be “watched.” Unfortunately, many doctors mistakenly believe that breast cancer cannot appear in girls who are that young and dismiss the patient’s concerns, as this doctor seems to have done.

“Unsure” should be seen by a physician who can give her the appropriate exam and allay her fears. Bravo to her for taking charge of her own health.

The Young Survival Coalition (youngsurvival.org) at (877) YSC-1011 ([877] 972-1011) is an excellent source of breast cancer information for young women. Susan Santangelo, nine-year breast cancer survivor, Founder, Breast Cancer Survival Center (www.breastcancersurvival.org)

Dear Susan Santangelo: Thank you for the helpful resource. We agree a second opinion would be a good idea, and we hope her fears turn out to be groundless.

X E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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