MOTHER’S DAY 2008|Fostering love

By ELISE FRANCO

Mother, daughter find rewards in caring for displaced kids

The daughter says she loved growing up with foster sisters.

BOARDMAN — Vernelle Butler and Danetta Claybrook have the kind of mother-daughter relationship anyone would want to model their own after, and it shows.

It seems that Butler is not only Claybrook’s mother, but she’s also her best friend. And as close as these two are, it’s no surprise that they’re laughing and finishing one another’s sentences like it’s no big deal.

DNA isn’t the only thing Claybrook and Butler have in common. Both women are foster mothers.

Butler took in her first foster child in 1979, when Claybrook’s high school classmate was kicked out of her foster home.

Butler said a social worker asked if she would host another child.

“After the first girl they asked me to take in another one, then another and another,” she said. “So, that’s pretty much how it all started.”

Her interest in taking care of children in need stemmed from her days as a schoolteacher.

“I always wanted to help, and I saw that fostering could make a difference,” Butler said. “I think I inherited that from my parents.”

Butler moved her family from Cleveland, out to California, only weeks after Claybrook was born. While in California, she hosted almost 30 foster children, most of whom she still has contact with today. She lives with her daughter in Boardman.

At any given time, Butler and her husband could have up to eight girls in the house at once: six foster children, Claybrook and Claybrook’s younger sister.

Claybrook smiled and said she loved growing up in a large family. She described the household as being organized and rule based.

Butler said this was to make sure everyone, her own daughters included, stayed focused.

“I remember, we kept a chore list on the fridge,” Claybrook said. “I was the oldest and kind of like the leader, so I used to coordinate everything. We’d have points for chores, and that determined how much allowance each of us got. Our house was like camp. It was so much fun.”

Of course, like any mother in a house full of teenage girls, Butler faced challenges.

Claybrook said, unfortunately, some girls ran away and didn’t return. Also, not all the girls were well-behaved.

“We took in a few gang member girls, and we’d find weapons and drugs and stuff like that,” she said. “I had to pin a girl down once because she jumped my mom.”

A smile formed on her face as she continued, “She might have been in a gang, and I might have been smaller than her, but I was athletic, so I was much stronger than she was.”

No Mother’s Day gift can compare with the one Claybrook received five years ago today, however.

On Mother’s Day 2003, her husband, Tarone, hopped a plane to California, and returned with their two newly adopted children, Tina, 14, and Chris, 13. The couple, who recently moved back to Ohio from California, have one other adopted child, Kristelyn, 3, and a foster child, who is 2.

They fought for more than a year to legally adopt Tina and Chris. Claybrook became a foster mother to the kids in 1998 when their mother, her own foster sister, Jennifer, passed away in her early 20s.

“It was just us, and we had the best day,” she said of the reunion with her children. “I had a ton of cake and candy and junk food for them. You know, a kid’s dream.

“I immediately thanked the Lord because we never gave up that hope that we’d get them back. We knew we were a family.”

Claybrook said losing a child after he or she has been in the home is always a serious possibility though, and any foster parent has to be prepared for it.

“As foster parents you have to be flexible,” she said. “You have to realize that those things might happen, and you might not get to keep them.”

Butler and Claybrook both agree the ability to help a child and possibly change a future, outweighs having to say goodbye if and when the time comes.

“It’s a great reward to be able to help someone and make a difference in their life, even if they don’t all stay with you,” Butler said.

Claybrook said the best thing foster parents can do for a child is do their best to not let the bad things affect their lives in the present.

“You just have to play that role to nurture and love them, and be the best parent you can while you have them,” she said.

Claybrook and her husband said they don’t plan on taking any other long-term foster children into their home, but they will provide respite care, which is short-term care for children who need a place to stay for a variety of reasons.

The couple, who has been married 15 years, is in the process of adopting their 2-year-old foster son. They’ve had him since birth and can’t wait until he is a permanent part of their family.

Claybrook said she loves all her kids and doesn’t think of any them as foster children.

“I must feel what every mom feels. I just get that instinct,” she said. “And it’s great to feel that love they give back to you.”

efranco@vindy.com