Obsessive-compulsive daughter, 21, picks at her face
Dear Annie: My 21-year-old daughter, “Celia,” has always been a compulsive nail biter. The past few years, her compulsive tendencies have gotten worse. She is a beautiful girl, but she constantly picks at her face. She wears bangs to hide what she’s done to her forehead, and now she has started picking at her chin and already has a scar.
I’ve encouraged Celia to get counseling, but she ignores me. She insists she can’t help it and shrugs it off. Every time I see her, she has a new sore, but she gets irritated when I bring it up.
Celia leads a stressful life. She is in her last year of undergraduate school and also works part time. But it’s hard to stand by while my gorgeous daughter ruins her face. Please give me some practical advice. Frustrated Mom
Dear Mom: This type of compulsive skin picking is known as neurotic excoriation, and some psychiatrists believe it is a form of body dysmorphic disorder. If Celia would speak to a therapist, she might find ways to control this behavior. It also might help for both of you to contact the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org) at P.O. Box 961029, Boston, MA 02196.
Dear Annie: My best friend, “Denise,” recently moved back to our hometown after two years away. When we aren’t together, we talk on the phone several times a day. There is hardly anything we keep from each other.
The problem is, Denise is perpetually unhappy. Her sourpuss behavior is something I have put up with because she has many sparkling qualities.
However, since she has moved back, her negativity has started to conflict with my own life. I have made several good-hearted attempts to get her to join my social circle and acclimate her to a life here. Each time, she makes excuses and instead spends her time alone. As a result, I end up splitting my activities between Denise and my other friends and inevitably making someone a little annoyed.
Whether it is complaining about her job, her school, her boyfriend or her home life (all of which are not as extreme as she would have you think), the whining is endless and my other friends are starting to be offended by her demeanor.
The last thing I want is for this divide to become bigger and more permanent, but I have run out of ideas. Any suggestions? Grumpy’s Best Friend
Dear Best Friend: Since you and Denise “hardly keep anything” from each other, it’s time for the truth. Tell her she seems out of sorts since she moved back.
Explain that her constant complaining indicates she may be suffering from depression and ought to speak to her doctor. If Denise makes a sincere effort to be more positive, it will be reflected in her reality, so remind her, nicely, when she kvetches too much.
Dear Annie: You printed a bunch of responses to “Craving Intimacy in Indiana,” whose husband wasn’t interested in sex. All the responses were from women. Here’s one man’s viewpoint:
About 10 years ago, I found out my testosterone level was in the bottom half of the scale. I was tired, somewhat depressed and lacked interest in sex. I had no energy. My urologist prescribed a testosterone cream and that got me back to “average” on the scale, but I still wasn’t myself. I tried a different treatment, which turned out to be more satisfactory, moving my testosterone levels up even higher.
I learned that “average” on the scale does not mean “normal” for me. Guys need to find out what their own “normal” is. You’ll know by how you think, feel and respond. It’s well worth the effort. N.N.
Dear N.N.: Thank you for making it clear that what is considered normal may not be adequate for everyone. We hope those with this problem will talk to their doctors.
Happy Easter to all of our Christian readers.
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