Husband’s off his meds and back to being a big headache

Dear Annie: I’ve been married a long time, and my husband has always been difficult, sullen and verbally abusive. Some years ago, I made him see a doctor, who diagnosed a chemical imbalance and prescribed medication.

When he was taking his meds, he seemed happy, was pleasant to be around and wanted to do things with me — movies, dinner and have friends over. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company.

Then the bottom fell out. He stopped taking his meds because he said they gave him headaches. By the time I noticed his behavior was changing, it was too late. He’d already been off the meds for several weeks, and once he returned to his moody, sullen, unpleasant, nasty self, he refused to see a doctor.

My husband is retired, bored and out of sorts. I’ve suggested he get a part-time job or do volunteer work, but he won’t. Our children don’t want to spend time with him because he is opinionated to the nth degree.

It was so nice for a short time, but now I don’t want to be in my own home with him. Is divorce the only answer? Justalady

Dear Justalady: People who need medication to control their moods often resent having to do so and, when they are not taking their meds, don’t see the need. Your husband thinks he’s fine the way he is. You need to make him realize he is mistaken. Be as sympathetic as possible, but be quite clear that you cannot live with him if he refuses to get back on his medication. If the one he was taking gave him headaches, he should try something else. If you can get him to go for counseling, it may help him understand how miserable he is making you — and himself — by refusing help.

Dear Annie: My husband is one of five siblings. His widowed mother always said that when she died, she wanted everything to be divided equally among all five children and stated so in her will.

When she passed away five years ago, only one sibling had access to the will. He quickly removed everything he wanted from the house, including antique furniture and heirlooms of sentimental value. Another sibling promptly took up residence in the house, where she has lived ever since. The two of them have never even offered any of the others a simple remembrance, such as a photograph.

I find this behavior to be criminal and have had very little to do with them. When they come to visit, it kills me that I have to be cordial to them. My husband says they are his family and can do no wrong in his eyes.

My advice to anyone who has selfish siblings is to discuss the parents’ wishes openly to avoid this problem when the time comes. Left Out in the Cold in Florida

Dear Florida: If Mom’s will mentioned specific bequests or said everything should be sold and divided equally, a lawyer should have seen that it was done. Either she never consulted a lawyer, didn’t specify anything in her will or no one wants to create a rift by taking the siblings to court. This is your husband’s family and he loves them. Please try to overlook their greed for his sake.

Dear Annie: I could not believe you told “Waiting Patiently” that “if the divorce is imminent, you are free to date.” You should have said “if the divorce is final.” Any dating relationship during divorce proceedings is handing the soon-to-be ex a slam-dunk for an infidelity case. Aware in Arizona

Dear Arizona: Sorry about that. By “imminent,” we meant “ready to sign the final papers.” Otherwise, you are correct. Unless there is a legal separation in place, people in the process of getting divorced take a risk by dating others.

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