Friends’ drinking, smoking trouble high school freshman

Dear Annie: I am a freshman in high school and have many close friends to whom I am very loyal. Recently, though, I discovered that a few of them drink and/or smoke pot.

I want to say something to them, but I’m afraid of what they will think of me. I’d hate to get my friends in trouble by reporting them to the school authorities. On the other hand, they’re already in trouble, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to them because I didn’t speak up. The mother of one of my friends already knows she drinks, but has been unable to stop it.

I don’t want to get myself in trouble in the process of helping. Should I report them? This is so depressing that I’m having trouble making decisions. In Deep

Dear In Deep: It is not unusual for some teenagers to experiment with drugs and alcohol because they mistakenly believe it is “cool.” Many of them will stop on their own, but some will become addicted and unable to quit. You are smart to understand the dangers and compassionate to want to help.

The people who should be dealing with this are your friends’ parents, and those who are unaware should be informed. You can discuss it with your parents and ask them to intervene. You also can contact Alateen (al-anon-alateen.org) at (888) 4AL-ANON ([888] 425-2666), for friends and family of those struggling with alcohol and drugs.

Dear Annie: Recently, my employer sold his business to another company. After a few weeks, I noticed that my mail was being opened. This includes my personal mail that sometimes gets sent to my employer’s address.

I think this is improper. At the least, we should have been notified that a new policy was being put in place or told that from this point forward mail would be examined before being distributed. What do you think? Appalled

Dear Appalled: It is the policy of some companies to have all mail opened as it arrives, and if the new owners are unaware that your policy has been different, they would have seen no reason to inform you of a change.

You can probably fix this by talking to the person in charge of the mail room. However, your personal letters should not be coming to your place of business, where there is an assumption that all mail is business-related and, therefore, the employers have a right to see it. We strongly suggest you notify anyone sending personal items to your office to stop.

Dear Annie: It broke my heart to read the letter from “Confused in California,” the 15-year-old boy whose father refuses to let him be friends with “Alex,” who is gay. As parents of a gay son, my husband and I know too well the fear and ignorance that still exist regarding homosexuality.

Our son grew up the picture of “normalcy” — a top student, active in church, athletics and community service, and one of the most popular students in school.

When he faced the realization that he was gay, he prayed and prayed that it was not so. When God didn’t answer by changing him, he accepted his reality and got on with his life. Today, he is an extremely successful adult, with more friends than anyone I know, both straight and gay. And, yes, they all know he is gay.

To the father of the “normal” son, I would like to say that being gay is not contagious, but bigotry is. Hopefully your son will grow up to be accepting and open-minded, in spite of you. If our son were to ask if I was sorry he was gay, I would tell him, “No. The same God that made you gay also made you brilliant, compassionate, courageous and the best son any parent could hope for. I would not change one thing about you.” A Proud Mother

Dear Mother: What a beautiful sentiment you have expressed. We hope you will share it with your brilliant, compassionate and courageous son.

XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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