Weight loss should have made her happy

Kathy mitchell and Marcy sugar \ Annie’s Mailbox

Weight loss should have made her happy

Dear Annie: I’m a 30-year-old woman who recently lost 40 pounds. I had tried diet after diet, but as soon as I dropped a few pounds, I’d gain them back. Then I decided to make a serious lifestyle change and cut some things out of my diet for good, and the weight just fell off and stayed off. I should be happy and feel better about myself, but in fact, it’s the opposite.

When I was heavier, even though I didn’t like my appearance, I figured if my husband loved me and found me desirable, I could accept my size. Now I feel more self-conscious, more uncertain and less desirable.

Our sex life was never great to begin with, and lately it’s even less frequent. I am embarrassed for my husband to see me naked, and I’m sure part of the problem is a little bit of hanging skin. I don’t want to be fatter, but I don’t feel happy at this weight, either. I need to lose another 25 pounds to be where my doctor says I should be, but my husband is concerned I’ll turn into a twig. I don’t want to be a twig. I just want to feel pretty. What is wrong with me? Thumbelina

Dear Thumbelina: Nothing is wrong with you. Substantial weight loss often creates sagging skin. Resistance training can tone some of that, and the rest can be fixed surgically if you choose, though it can be costly. The main problem is your perception of yourself. You see an unattractive body. Your husband sees the woman he loves. He doesn’t want you to change to the degree that he is no longer attractive enough for you. He needs reassurance so he doesn’t sabotage your weight-loss efforts. You, however, need to see yourself as more fit, rather than “prettier.” When you feel good about your health, the rest will follow. If you can’t figure out how to do that on your own, please talk to a counselor.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “P.,” who asked for a word to describe a man and a woman living together without the benefit of marriage. You mentioned the term “POSSLQ” (pronounced “possil-cue”), which means “Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters,” and said the term never caught on. There already is a word for such a person, and it’s “paramour.” One of the definitions is “a significant other to whom you are not related by marriage.” B.S.

Dear B.S.: A paramour is someone with whom you are having an intimate relationship, but not necessarily someone with whom you are sharing a home, so the term doesn’t quite fit. Read on for more suggestions:

From Flint, Mich.: I work at the family division of the circuit court. Our terminology for a couple living together regardless of marital or engagement status is “LTP” — which means “living together partner.” Love your column.

Wisconsin: Why not call a spade a spade? The term “POSSLQ” did not catch on for obvious reasons. Living with my dad and brothers would fit that description. “LIS” would be more appropriate. That stands for “living in sin,” which most couples do nowadays. Give it to ’em plain.

Boston: My Scottish mother-in-law told me that in Scotland, a live-in boyfriend is called “Roger the Lodger.” I found this particularly entertaining as my mother’s former boyfriend was named Roger.

Arizona: When we lived in Australia, all such people were referred to as “de-facto” in the newspaper, etc. There was no confusion over boyfriend, roommate, significant other, etc.

Alaska: I enjoyed reading about “POSSLQ” and thought you might share this with your readers. The author is Charles Osgood:

There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do

If you would be my POSSLQ.

You live with me and I with you,

And you will be my POSSLQ.

I’ll be your friend and so much more;

That’s what a POSSLQ is for.

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