In honor of Royko and Cubs

I got my last autograph when I was 10. Browns players Ozzie Newsome and Brian Brennan came to Hartville to open our new IGA. The IGA was eventually bought by Giant Eagle, which changed the Italian bread recipe, prompting me to write complaints about the change with (presumably) false charges that the supermarket butcher was walking around without pants.

I haven’t bought a jersey since 1997 — I’m still hoping Manny Ramirez comes back to Cleveland — and I’ve never intentionally had my picture taken with a celebrity. If Kelly Pavlik still had hair, I’m quite certain I wouldn’t steal a lock of it.

In short, I don’t get star-struck. With one exception.

Royko greatest newspaperman

Jews have Jerusalem. Hippies have San Francisco. And journalists have Chicago, home of the greatest newspaperman of them all, Mike Royko, who died in 1997 but lives on in my bookshelf.

On Saturday, I went to his favorite bar in Chicago, the original Billy Goat Tavern below Michigan Ave., which is better known for its role in the Cubs’ famed “Curse of the Billy Goat” or its inspiration in John Belushi’s “Cheezborger, Cheezborger” sketch on Saturday Night Live.

I got my picture taken in front of Royko’s old stories and even bought a drink (ginger ale and whiskey) in his honor. It tasted like aftershave, as all drinks do.

Anyway, Royko was a big Cubs fan, writing that being a Cub fan built strong character. No team in history is as good as the Cubs at not winning World Series, although the Indians have tried.

So in honor of Royko, I went to Sunday’s Marlins-Cubs game at Wrigley Field. And in honor of making the trip as tax deductible as possible, I’m writing about it.

The game started at 1:20 p.m., so I managed to will myself out of bed at the crack of 10.

The Marlins, of course, beat the Cubs in the 2003 NLCS to go from being the most undeserving World Series champions in history — I have a scar from punching our house’s siding after Game 7 of the 1997 Series — to the most undeserving two-time champions.

Florida ended Chicago’s bid for its first pennant since 1945 and first title since 1909. Afterward, Cubs fans blamed fan Steve Bartman for catching a foul ball, which made perfect sense since he also gave up all those seventh-inning hits that cost Chicago the game. Speaking of, even if Bill Buckner had fielded that grounder in the 1986 series, the score still would have been tied. And, besides, it was only Game Six.

(This sense of sports perspective does not apply to any of the following: Jose Mesa, John Elway, Michael Jordan or the 1980 Oakland Raiders.)

Second oldest baseball park

Wrigley Field (1914) is the second-oldest ballpark in the majors behind Fenway Park (1912). Outside, you can buy T-shirts that read “It’s gonna happen,” $5 Kosuke Fukudome headbands (and quite a few shirts that use his name as a punch line) and peanuts from a vendor who shouts: “Grab your nuts. Don’t be ashamed.” You can also get your picture taken in front of the creepy Harry Caray statue.

Our seats were in Section 204. You know you’ve got good seats when you’re surrounded by gum advertisements that brag about sticks “as slim as your chances of catching a foul ball in these seats.”

Just before the game started, the P.A. guy announced the “Injury of the Day,” which was ... a groin injury. “It’s characterized by mild tenderness and an inability to walk,” he said.

(I didn’t get an explanation as to why they told me this, so you don’t, either.)

Wrigley is known for day games, (usually) bad teams and organ music. Call me a traditionalist, but for pure entertainment value at the ballpark, there are few things worse than the organ.

But the game was terrific. The first-place Cubs won 9-6. Former Notre Dame wide receiver Jeff Samardzija got his first save. Dan Uggla, whose atrocious performance in the All-Star game could cost the Cubs home field advantage in the Series, was booed mercilessly, and was hit in the head with a pitch.

With the Indians out of it, I’ll be cheering for the Cubs this season. They’ll make the playoffs, they’ll give their team hope and they’ll fall short.

As Royko once said, “Being a Cub fan prepares you for life because everyone in life winds up a loser. Just check the cemetery.”

Rest in peace, Mike.

XJoe Scalzo covers sports for The Vindicator. Write him at scalzo@vindy.com.