His relatives move in, crowding girlfriend

Dear Annie: I live with my boyfriend, “Mike,” in a very small apartment. Last month, his mother and 14-year-old sister moved in. They had nowhere else to go.

Mike’s sister sleeps on our couch, and his mother sleeps on the living room floor. His mom says she is looking for work, but I’m not there to watch her, so who knows? She has no money and nothing to contribute except for some food stamps, which keep the pantries slightly stocked. She insists on having every meal together, so when we buy food, we have to buy enough for four.

In the beginning, it was understood that her stay was temporary, but now we have no idea when she will be able to move out. Our electric bill has doubled, and we are paying a lot more for water. Mike and I are having trouble making ends meet, and I don’t sense much effort on his mother’s part to find work. She is only looking for a certain type of job. We’ve told her she needs to broaden her search, but she won’t.

This is taking a toll on our relationship. How do we tell her to take any job she can get and move out? Squished

Dear Squished: You can’t tell her anything. Mike has to do it. Frankly, it often takes a lot longer than a month to find work. Mike needs to give Mom a deadline for getting a job (perhaps three months), making it clear that if she cannot find one in her particular field by then, she must take whatever allows her to pay rent. She should not be freeloading. However, Mike may be unwilling to stick with such an ultimatum, so consider moving out until this resolves itself.

Dear Annie: My nephew is getting married soon. To date, I have not received an invitation, although most all other family members have. As the wedding draws near, I fear I could be the only one left out, although the groom’s mother (my sister) assures me that an invite is on the way.

I realize she does not control the guest list and I know they are trying to keep the number down, but how can you invite all the aunts except one? I am very hurt.

Do you think I’m justified, or should I simply make other plans for that day and refuse to be on the “D” list? Forgotten Aunt

Dear Aunt: Of course it is rude to invite all the aunts except one. However, we urge you not to take this as an intentional snub. More likely, the bride’s family is withholding some of the invitations and your sister felt you would be the most understanding of her relatives. So we hope you will be. If she says there is an invitation coming, please assume there is.

Dear Annie: You told “Sam in Tallahassee” that preferring thin women is not in our nature, but in our constant media images.

You are wrong. Our media images are but a reflection of our biological predilections. Our genes want to reproduce themselves with the healthiest female specimen they can find. Women who are overweight are not healthy specimens. And if they can be so sloppy with their own bodies, how likely are they to be responsible in child rearing?

The same applies to men, or it should, though women seem to place more emphasis on a man’s earning power than his physical appearance. They want a secure nest within which to raise their young. B.A.

Dear B.A.: You don’t think the media manipulates our idea of attractive body shapes? Get real. If we’d had a “biological predilection” for the anorexic models in magazines, we’d never have survived as a species. Extremes, whether too fat or too thin, are unhealthy. Larger women can be perfectly healthy and, more importantly, we are all capable of loving what’s beneath the surface. But, of course, we have to be willing to look.

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