‘Berta’ needs a brushup on her dental hygiene

Dear Annie: My teenage son hangs around with a nice group of friends. One of the young ladies, “Berta,” seems interested in him. She is a little on the quiet side but seems pleasant and would be pretty if she would only brush her teeth. She has not brushed them in over a year.

Berta’s parents have talked to her, my son has talked to her, her girlfriends and sisters have all talked to her, too, but Berta says she does not want to brush and has decided she is just not going to.

Being nice does not seem to be working. I would like to simply tell her how awful she looks, but I know she would take it as an insult, and that would not be helpful. She would be attractive if she had better oral hygiene. Right now, she looks disgusting because her teeth are green. I even bought her a water pick and mentioned toothpaste for sensitive teeth in case that was the issue.

I would like to know if there is a type of mental illness that would make her toothbrush phobic. So far, my son is keeping his distance, and he would be embarrassed to have her as a girlfriend. I can’t help but wonder if she is repulsing people on purpose, perhaps trying to see if they will accept her the way she is. Does she hate herself or feel like she doesn’t deserve to have nice teeth? Does she not know about the connection between mouth bacteria and heart disease?

I saw Berta this evening, and looking at her makes me sick to my stomach. How do I communicate with this young woman? Seeing Green

Dear Seeing Green: We’re sure her sisters, if not others, have already told her how awful she looks, but it hasn’t helped. There are myriad dental phobias. Berta might once have gagged while brushing, she could dislike the taste of toothpaste, she might fear the dentist or worry about damaging her teeth. It’s also possible she is deliberately trying to repulse an abuser. Someone (a parent, preferably) should discuss this to determine the cause of her reluctance and, if it’s a phobia, work on techniques to overcome it. If it’s abuse, Berta will need to see a therapist. And the police.

Dear Annie: A lovely woman friend of mine often goes with us to a restaurant and has a soft drink. When the waiter is not looking, she adds an alcoholic beverage from her purse to her soda.

The restaurant sells liquor, and it does not seem fair that she uses their facility but does not buy their drinks. I have trouble saying this to her because she is my friend and an otherwise really nice person. Baffled

Dear Baffled: Some restaurants permit patrons to bring their own alcohol, so check before assuming otherwise. If it’s not allowed and she is discovered, the restaurant could toss her out. You might tell her that in the hope that she will want to avoid any possible embarrassment.

Dear Annie: “Snubbed” was angry because her in-laws took a photo of just the immediate family at the wedding. I’ve done that.

I have seven children and enjoy seeing how they have changed since the first wedding many years ago. We also take a group picture with the new family member, as well as a really big group picture of the entire family (we are now about 32).

I do not love my in-laws less if they aren’t in the picture. My children are my “heart” and the additions to the family are wonderful, but, unfortunately, things can change and then there are repercussions from new in-laws about pictures with old in-laws. Meriden, Conn.

Dear Meriden: When taking photographs, it’s perfectly OK not to include spouses every time as long as those are not the only pictures taken. It’s important to include everyone some of the time.

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