Boyfriend ‘Chet’ is content with just a live-in relationship

February 22, 2008 at 12:00a.m.

Kathy mitchell and Marcy sugar \ Annie’s Mailbox

Dear Annie: I am 26, have two small children and am involved with a terrific man who is 20 years older. I have been with “Chet” for two years and we recently moved in together. Chet treats me wonderfully and says he loves me, but he just ended his second marriage to be with me and said he never wants to get married again. He’s content just to live together.

Is this fair to me, when I have never been married and want a wedding of my dreams and two more children? Do live-in relationships like this work out? Am I being stupid to give up my dream, or should we end it now so I can find a man my own age who is willing to give it everything? Will I regret the age difference in 10 years? Need Advice in Arizona

Dear Arizona: We think you could use more time on your own, caring for yourself and your children, before committing to anyone. We don’t know if living with Chet would be successful in the end, but we do know if you are unhappy about major aspects of the relationship, it will create resentment. If you want marriage and more children, find someone who wants that, too. It doesn’t appear to be Chet.

Dear Annie: I’m 17 years old and worried about my dad. He’s almost 50 and is extremely fat with terrible eating habits. I know he eats at fast-food restaurants at least twice daily, and when he comes home, he eats nonstop junk until he goes to bed.

His family has a history of heart disease. My grandpa and my uncle have had heart attacks, and both had open-heart surgery in the last two years. Dad doesn’t seem to care. He still eats greasy, fatty foods and never exercises. In fact, when he walks up the stairs, he has to stop to catch his breath.

Dad has tried diets, Weight Watchers, etc., but nothing seems to work because he is still gaining weight. I want him to give me away at my wedding someday, but at this rate, I don’t see it happening. I’ve told Dad I want him to be healthier, but he doesn’t listen. What can I do to help him? Desperate Daughter

Dear Desperate: Your dad has given up. He knows his family history, but finds dieting and exercise too difficult.

You can’t make him lose weight, but you can encourage healthy habits in your household. If possible, enlist Mom’s help. Whoever buys the groceries should forgo the junk and buy fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Have easy-to-grab healthy snacks available, like carrot sticks and yogurt, but keep on hand a few low-sugar, low-fat items (like pretzels) for when he’s desperate. Ask him to go with you for a walk after dinner. (Don’t mention his weight.) At least you will know you are doing the best you can to help him.

Dear Annie: You’ve printed several letters about people addicted to prescription painkillers. Please tell them about Narcotics Anonymous (na.org) at P.O. Box 9999, Van Nuys, CA 91409. NA is for anyone addicted to drugs, prescription or otherwise. It’s based on the Alcoholics Anonymous program.

A.A. is also available to drug users, and Al-Anon is an excellent support group geared toward family and friends of alcoholics, although family and friends of any substance abuser are welcome. Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Thank you for the opportunity to once again mention Narcotics Anonymous for drug abusers. For family and friends, Al-Anon is an excellent support group, and we also recommend Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org) at 1- 800-477-6291.

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