She doesn’t want sister-in-law as godparent

Dear Annie: My husband and I are expecting a baby soon. One of his sisters has asked if she and her husband could be the godparents. She is not who I would have picked because of her difficult attitude, but my husband says we should agree because she asked. I say no because I am not comfortable with her attitude toward other members of their family.

My sister-in-law is very opinionated and thinks everyone should take her side in family squabbles. How do I keep the peace without hurting anybody’s feelings? Is it polite for people to ask to be godparents? I thought it was strictly up to the parents to decide who would best fill their positions if they were unable to. Please help. Running Out of Time

Dear Running Out: It is indeed inappropriate for someone to ask to be the godparent. However, you are mistaken that godparents raise the child if something should happen to you. Godparents are supposed to be spiritual guides for your child, and their responsibilities are religious in nature.

Frankly, many godparents have no idea what their responsibilities are and do nothing about them. If you take the religious aspect seriously, you should select someone who fits the role. This also may provide you with a legitimate reason to pick someone other than your sister-in-law. However, if the honor is in name only, you might reconsider to please your husband. It gives Sis no special privileges about raising your child in your absence. After the child is born, you can select someone else to be the legal guardian in the event something happens to you and your husband.

Dear Annie: I have used the same manicurist for 15 years. She has seen my children grow up and I have attended parties in her home, so I feel this is more than a business relationship.

When her husband died in an accident, I sent flowers to the house and helped supply food. I took time off from work to be with her in court when the person who caused the accident was sentenced. I never received so much as a thank-you note.

Two months ago, I invited her to my daughter’s baby shower. She neither attended nor sent a gift. My daughter just delivered a beautiful baby girl after three heartbreaking miscarriages and again, not even a card.

Am I right to feel hurt? How do I bring up the subject — or do I have to look for another manicurist? First Time Grammy

Dear Grammy: You consider this a friendship, but your manicurist believes she’s an employee, which means largesse only flows in one direction. Since she doesn’t reciprocate (or show good manners by thanking you), we recommend you find another manicurist or cut back on your level of involvement. Since she insists on treating you solely as a paying customer, you should return the favor and treat her as a service provider. No more, no less.

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