Mother of special-needs child needs lessons

Dear Annie: My 27-year-old son recently moved in with a woman he met online. “Garth” has brought several of his online romances home to meet his parents, but this woman is like no one before. She has an eating disorder, takes migraine medication all day long and drinks nothing but Mountain Dew. She’s also the most miserable excuse for a parent I’ve ever seen.

“Terese” is divorced and has a disabled child. She claims to be a registered nurse, but is in total denial that there is anything wrong with a 4-year-old who doesn’t speak, cannot feed himself, isn’t potty-trained and can’t walk five feet without falling.

She used to stick her child in Garth’s old highchair, while he screamed, tore at his hair and became lethargic. This scenario once went on for three hours. I don’t let that happen anymore, but the effort is all on my part. Sometimes Terese will just let her son run around and watch me chase after him.

I raised a special needs child and know that they, too, can be disciplined. I told Garth that unless Terese gets therapy and takes parenting classes, I will call Child Protective Services. My son finally got her to place the boy in a local program, but Terese complains about it all the time and I’m concerned she will remove him.

I can’t tolerate this woman and her son any longer. I am 62 and done chasing children. But it’s the only way I can see my son. Garth is determined to marry this nightmare and have more children with her. She is also a master manipulator. She talked Garth into putting her name on his checking and savings accounts, but he has no access to hers.

Explaining to Garth how I feel is like talking to a wall. Any suggestions? Exhausted and Frightened

Dear Exhausted: None you will like. Garth is too far gone to listen to reason. He will simply have to make his own mistakes. Back off your criticisms of Terese, and limit the time you spend with them, but don’t cut them off. Someone needs to keep an eye on that child and make sure he is getting the care he needs. If Terese removes him from that local program without setting up something else, by all means, call CPS and report the neglect. You can do so anonymously and the authorities will investigate.

Dear Annie: Is there a limit to the number of anniversary parties a couple should have? My brother and his wife had a beautiful 25th anniversary party at a restaurant with 150 guests. For their 30th, they did it again. I can’t remember if there was a party for their 35th, but for their 40th they invited the same crowd to another shindig.

They have another milestone anniversary coming up in a few months, and they are planning another party. Wouldn’t it be better to have a nice dinner with their children and grandchildren and spare the friends and relatives the cost of traveling and another gift? Party Pooper

Dear Party Pooper: These are all occasions to celebrate, and as long as the couple is paying for their own parties, they can have as many as they like. Guests always have the option of sending their regrets.

Dear Annie: We had the same problem as “Complaining in Tennessee,” about giving money to charity and then receiving “gifts” with more demands.

My husband, a wise guy, decided to send money orders instead. We get a receipt from the post office for tax purposes, and nobody knows our address. We are able to send donations to any charity we want without return solicitations. Lots of organizations need our support, and this is a nice, simple way to do it. Nicole

Dear Nicole: Your husband found a clever way to make charitable contributions without being inundated with additional requests. The best thing, of course, is that you still choose to make those contributions. Thank you.

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