Mom wonders why rich daughter doesn’t help her brother

Dear Annie: My son and daughter each have two young girls. My daughter is very rich, but my son is poor. He is divorced and has sole custody of his girls with no mother in the picture.

I am a widow, and many times I’ve helped my son by buying clothes and school supplies for the girls. It’s hard on me, as I live on a modest income. My son is a hard worker, but just doesn’t earn enough to cover the rent, child care, auto insurance, etc.

My daughter’s children, on the other hand, have every toy imaginable, dress in the best clothes, have cell phones, attend private schools and live in an upscale neighborhood. My son and daughter are not very close, especially since he lives out of state, but they always ask about each other through me.

It breaks my heart to see my daughter’s children with so much, knowing my two other granddaughters have very little. I would like my daughter to “donate” some of her girls’ used clothes and toys to my son’s family instead of throwing them away or giving them to thrift stores. I know my son would appreciate it, and it also would be helping me out. I have asked my daughter several times and offered to pay the shipping. She always says OK, but never follows through.

I can hardly bear to go to my daughter’s house anymore, with her girls constantly dragging out their new stuff to show me. Am I wrong to want her to help her brother with these hand-me-downs? She doesn’t seem to have any goodness left in her heart. Grannie Loves Them All

Dear Grannie: Your daughter might feel uncomfortable donating clothing and toys to her brother. She may believe he’d resent her and he might. It’s also possible she simply prefers the tax break she gets from donating items to charitable organizations. The only way to know is to ask her.

Nonetheless, while it is neither kind nor compassionate of her to withhold her support, she is not responsible for her brother’s financial situation.

Dear Annie: I think “Photographic Phriendship’s” discomfort with the seductive pictures her co-worker is showing of her 12-year-old daughter is a nonissue. I’m 14, and whenever I get together with friends, we apply heavy makeup and jokingly take pictures of ourselves in provocative poses. There is never any kind of sexual intent behind them. Our moms just roll their eyes.

I don’t think it’s fair for you to accuse mothers of portraying their children as sex objects merely because one 12-year-old is trying to grow up too quickly. Little Tart in California

Dear California: We know you don’t think it’s a big deal to take provocative photos of yourself or your friends. But when Mom is taking the pictures and showing them off to her co-workers, it’s a different problem. Read on for another perspective:

Dear Annie: I am a retired corrections officer of over 25 years. I read in horror the letter from “Photographic Phriendship” about a mother who was sharing sexually provocative photos of her preteen daughter in the workplace. There is a market for such photos, and any picture is at risk of being lost, stolen or shared with the wrong person, and can be scanned, copied and distributed worldwide via the Internet. Once those photos are out there, they are out there forever.

At worst, such photos could place this child in real danger from sexual predators. Even discounting the danger, does the mother want these photos seen by everyone in the child’s church or school? These photos could follow her into college and beyond. Sexually provocative photos of any child is a very bad idea. Concerned Oregon Grandfather

Dear Oregon: We miss the days when old photographs used to end up in a box in the closet.

Happy Kwanzaa to our readers.

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