Maybe he should audition for ‘Jerry Springer’

Dear Annie: For the last five years, I’ve dated several girls. Three of them, during the course of our individual relationships, turned up pregnant. I was a man about it and stepped up all three times. I took care of the mothers, paid all of the medical bills and even asked one of the women to marry me.

I was surprisingly repaid. One child was born with a completely different skin color than either the mother or me. After another was born, a man showed up claiming to be the father. And one woman admitted she had been pregnant even before we met. DNA tests proved that none of these children were fathered by me.

Last week, my fianc e, “Ari,” went to the doctor and discovered that she is expecting. Because of my past experiences, I’m worried the baby is not mine. I have known Ari for 13 years and have no reason not to trust her, but I also had no reason to distrust any of those previous girlfriends. Is it wrong of me to want a paternity test or to postpone our wedding until the baby is born? Soon-To-Be Father?

Dear Dad: Auditioning for “The Jerry Springer Show”? Haven’t you ever heard of using protection? You must have a sign on your head saying “easy mark.” Maybe Ari is the real deal, but with your track record, it would be foolish to assume so.

Yes, get a paternity test. Yes, wait until the child is born before getting married if you think Ari may have cheated. She should trust you enough to know you will step up to the plate if the child is yours. And we seriously suggest you discontinue sleeping with every woman you meet and use condoms when you do have sex. It’s the only way you will stop being played.

Dear Annie: Last Christmas, I spent the day with my sister and her family. I had purchased a purse for my 18-year-old niece, only to be told by her mother that her taste ran toward Coach or Chanel, and would I please take it back. I did so and sent my niece a gift card to replace the “unwanted” present. For her birthday, I didn’t want to repeat my mistake so I gave her another gift card. I never received a thank-you note for either.

I realize teenagers are sporadic about writing notes, but I question my sister’s example to her daughter of not accepting a gift graciously, whether you like it or not.

Since Christmas is coming soon, should I just stick with the gift card or chance another returned present? If I do the latter and get the same result, how should I respond? Past Present

Dear Past Present: Your sister and her daughter have terrible manners. If you wish to get your niece a gift, buy whatever you like and make sure it comes with a gift receipt. If she doesn’t like it, let her return it and get whatever she prefers. To you, her only words should be: “Thank you so much for the lovely gift.”

Dear Annie: I am responding to the letter from “Buried in Paper,” whose husband never throws anything away and the clutter has taken over the spare bedroom. My husband thought I wrote that letter since it described him so well.

I decided that in order to deal with my husband’s home office, I would simply keep the door closed. However, his mess spread to the garage, in the boat, under the boat, and now we can’t even find the boat.

Here’s my solution to the lost guest room: When the kids come for an overnight visit, I make him pay for a room at a local hotel. This isn’t an ideal answer, but it is a compromise that works. A in Texas

Dear A: This is a compromise that works for you, but your husband really could use some help. Try the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org).

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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