Mother wants romantic relationship to end

Dear Annie: I am a 43-year-old woman. Seven years ago, I met a lovely, caring man and we are currently living together. My quite conservative family has never met him, but they disapprove.

When I first met “Frank,” I told my parents I wanted to tell them about my new guy in person. My mother was very open-minded and said, “Have him write a letter and bring it on your next vacation, and we’ll have a family discussion.” I live eight hours away from my family. When I arrived at the airport, I was missing a travel document and had to postpone my trip. In the meantime, one of my sisters met Frank and told my mother he wasn’t good enough for me.

The next time I called home, Mom had changed her mind and asked me to end the relationship. I did, but realized how much I missed Frank and that he is exactly the guy I was looking for. So we got back together, but I didn’t tell my mother.

When I finally visited home, I took Frank’s letter and was prepared to discuss the issue, but my father was sick and my mother simply ignored me. Whenever I tried to bring it up, family members changed the subject.

When my father died the following year, I was devastated. I realized Frank was the only person I could lean on and I asked him to move in. Although my sister knew (and lectured me), I didn’t tell my mother because she was still grieving.

This year I finally spoke up. Now my mother refuses to talk to me, and my sister says I have no respect for her. My heart is bleeding. I want to see my mother and tell her how happy I am with Frank, but I want her approval. What should I do? Feeling Depressed

Dear Depressed: We’re assuming that an eight-hour flight means your mother lives in another country and there are ethnic traditions that you have broken. We don’t think a 43-year-old should need anyone’s permission to have a romantic relationship, but if you want to reconcile with Mom, we suggest you and Frank start saving your money so you can plan a trip to visit her — together. Or buy a ticket for Mom to visit you. Let her see what you love about him, and give her the opportunity to change her mind.

Dear Annie: At my stepson’s recent wedding, his older brother, “Joe,” became belligerent and grabbed his father by the tie and yelled at him for asking the DJ to play a slower song so some of us older folks could enjoy a dance.

Joe’s violent temper has already caused him to lose two excellent jobs. He’s unemployed, and I am sure that frustrates him. But I keep replaying the scene in my head, and there was definitely a significant difference in my husband’s previously happy demeanor. How can we help Joe see where his life is headed? No Calgon Moment For Us

Dear Calgon: Joe needs a complete medical checkup and probably therapy to overcome his anger issues. You cannot force him to get help, but his father could tell him you both are concerned, and that talking to his doctor might be helpful.

Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from “D.G. in Ohio,” who took you to task for accidentally omitting the words “under God” in Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. You then reprinted the quote in its entirety.

The correction you published is taken from the Gettysburg Address as written on the Lincoln Memorial. However, the two copies of the address that Lincoln gave to his personal secretaries shortly after delivering the speech do not contain the phrase “under God.” Editor in Reading, Pa.

Dear Editor: Several scholars gave us this same information. However, the version that appears on the Lincoln Memorial is also engraved in our hearts and minds, and we’re quite content to stick with that one.

Creators Syndicate