Defamation of character is cause for legal action

Dear Annie: We are desperate for help. Two years ago, our son’s wife asked him for a divorce. At first, no reason was given except that she no longer loved him. Shortly after they separated, we found out she had been having an affair with his best friend. Our son was devastated.

Our former daughter-in-law showed up at our door and asked us not to say anything that would hurt her reputation in our small town. She said she was sorry for what she had done. Reluctantly, we agreed to keep quiet about the affair.

Now she is telling her friends she divorced our son because he was emotionally abusive. You can imagine what this is doing to him and to us. She has also made it clear that if we don’t keep our promise to say nothing about her affair, she will never let us see the grandchildren again.

Tell us, Annie, what should we do? This is breaking our hearts. Small Town in Oregon

Dear Oregon: Your former daughter-in-law obviously needs to assuage her guilt by making your son the villain. He needs to speak to his divorce lawyer immediately about this defamation of character. If necessary, he should sue for custody of the children, since being raised by this viper is not in their best interests. In the meantime, you are not breaking your promise by defending your son. Without mentioning her affair, feel free to pass the word that your son was never emotionally abusive and, obviously, the ex-wife still carries a lot of bitterness.

Dear Annie: I have a beautiful granddaughter who has pierced her tongue and gotten a tattoo behind her ear.

I’m losing sleep over this, especially the pierced tongue. Could this be a health risk? What can I do? Caring Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Not much at the moment. There is a risk of hepatitis and infection from tattooing and piercing, but as long as both were done by a licensed, reputable operator, she should be fine. Tongue jewelry can damage her teeth and she should be aware of that, but otherwise, please don’t get too worked up over this. Take a deep breath, recognize that you can’t change what’s already happened and let it go.

Dear Annie: I figured my friends would assume I wrote the letter from “Paul,” the 29-year-old man who had never dated, so I thought I’d write.

Telling a man that age to date all kinds of women is like telling a paraplegic to get up and walk. It’s not going to happen. Approaching women likely makes him ill with anxiety.

His only chance at a relationship is to leave the country or join a religion that arranges marriages. Even so, his anxiety and poor communication skills would still be a severe handicap in the competition for a mate.

He ought to appreciate what he doesn’t have. He will never have to pay for a hectic family vacation. If he doesn’t like his job, he can quit. He doesn’t have to apply for a mortgage on a house he can’t afford that’s an hour from his job. He will never have to shop for a minivan. He won’t have to impress the in-laws. Overall, he has a great deal of freedom he would not otherwise have. The many stresses experienced by married men won’t concern him, and if he did have to deal with them, he’d be miserable. Perhaps this isn’t the feel-good advice he’s hoping for, but it’s the best he can do and it’s not that bad. Bachelor in Indiana

Dear Indiana: You’re quite the pessimist. Paul isn’t you. He is willing to date and has done so, albeit not much, which is the point. He simply needs more practice. Anyone who sincerely wants to find a partner but has anxiety issues that make dating impossible could benefit from professional help. Please consider it.

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