‘Beijing 2008’

‘Beijing 2008’

(Sega) for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC

Genre: Sports; Rating: E

Grade: F

Common sense takes an enormous back seat in “Beijing 2008.” Actually, “enormous” is not a large enough description for how off this game is in terms of bringing an appropriate sports experience to gamers of any age or skill level.

Gargantuan? Vast? Massive? Garganvastmoussive? Sure, I just made that up, but it actually sounds pretty good and at least consolidates all those into a one-word stink pile to describe this game.

It fails because of its control scheme and how each of the 36 events is played by you, the gamer. This is supposed to be a game, right? You’d almost think a pharma company selling arthritis medication developed this game. Where is the fun? Every event involves either intense button mashing or maddening repetitive motions with the analog sticks, and nothing is all that responsive, so the pain in your joints will be for naught anyhow.

There is nary an event whose controls mirror the actual experience, nor do any of them even make a lick of sense. Not even sure this is worth complimenting the game on, but at least the athletes look detailed and some of the other visuals are nice. But you’d be a fool to think this game is worth it just for some good character animations. Furthermore, you’d be a garganvastmoussive fool for plunking down money for this.

— Chris Campbell, Scripps Howard