'Callie' may lack courage to seek help

Dear Annie: My daughter, "Callie," is in eighth grade and always has done well academically. She usually gets As and Bs, with a few Cs every now and then. We don't mind her getting a C, as long as we know she tried her best. The problem is, Callie is having a hard time in one particular subject and has a D average in that class. She will not ask for help. She says she doesn't like the teacher and if she asks for help, the teacher will only confuse her more.
Callie has never approached any teacher for help. I don't know if she's embarrassed to ask or if she's afraid. My husband explained to Callie that it's her responsibility to tell the teacher she needs assistance. I'm worried that my daughter won't do anything for the rest of the semester and get a D or, worse, fail altogether. I understand she needs to take responsibility, but as a parent, I also think I need to intercede somehow. What should I do? A Concerned Parent in the U.S.
Dear Concerned: It may be unrealistic to expect an eighth-grader to have the courage to ask a teacher whom she dislikes for help. And frankly, we're surprised the teacher hasn't suggested tutoring, since it is obvious Callie is struggling. Stop waiting for her to "take responsibility." She's sinking. Throw her a life raft already. Call the teacher and discuss the situation. Ask if there is tutoring available through the school, or perhaps another student in the class would like to work with Callie. She may never ace this subject, but she should be able to pass.
Dear Annie: My stepson's mother ran over my 17-year-old poodle and killed her. I know it was an accident. However, I was on my way home from work, and instead of waiting for me to get there, she left.
I am very upset, not only for losing my beloved pet, but at her total disregard for my feelings. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have waited until she got home and at least offered an apology. Am I wrong? Hurting
Dear Hurting: Of course not. We suspect she was guilt-ridden and worried about how you would react. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but panic isn't always rational. She should have apologized to you in person, and if that wasn't possible, she should have called or written you a note. We hope she will do one of those soon because it's never too late to say, "I'm sorry." Our condolences on the loss of your beloved poodle.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Addict's Wife," whose husband smokes marijuana all day. My husband and I smoked marijuana for years while raising our two young boys. We didn't think it would harm them. We worked, paid our bills and went on vacations like other families did.
When our oldest was 15, he started smoking pot, which led to other drugs. Three days before last Christmas, at the age of 25, he was killed in a car accident along with two of his friends. My son was an addict for 10 years and may not have been in that car if only my husband and I had set a better example.
I want to tell "Addict's Wife" not to believe for a second that her husband's using will not adversely affect their children. Not only do I no longer have my dear child, but I have to live with the guilt and pain knowing I was partially at fault. Regretful Mom
Dear Regretful Mom: We know it took a great deal of strength to write this letter, but rest assured, it will make many parents think twice. And now we hope you will stop blaming yourself. Your son ultimately was responsible for his own choices, and this may have been his path regardless of the example you set. We hope you are getting counseling to help you deal with the pain and guilt. Our deepest sympathies.
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