ANNIE'S MAILBOX Irresponsible mother ruins daughter's credit

Dear Annie: Recently, my husband and I decided to build a home. When we went to the bank about a loan, I discovered (via my credit report) that my mother had bought a computer and paid some utility bills using my Social Security number and her name. This happened six years ago, when I was 19.
I confronted my mother, and she said she did this when she was poor and not working, and that I had told her she could have my information. Annie, I never told her she could put anything in my name, and she never asked. I also told her I now owe over 3,500 to collection agencies because of her.
Mom has committed fraud and identity theft, and possibly grand larceny. I don't know what to do. I told her that until she paid the balance in full, she would no longer be allowed to talk to my daughter. My mom doesn't think she should have to pay for anything, because she supported me when I was a child. This is so awful. My daughter is close to her grandmother, and I don't know how to explain this to her.
Please, I am open to any advice. Below 450
Dear Below 450: Your mother was wrong to use your personal information to pay off her debts and then stick you with the bill, but we know many children would offer to help Mom with her financial needs if asked. The problem is, she didn't ask and she's damaged your credit rating. But keep in mind that you also are punishing your daughter by withholding her grandmother's love.
Getting the money back is probably a lost cause, so you must decide if you can forgive your mother. Apparently, she's behaved herself for six years, so tell Mom you will consider the money a bad loan, but if it happens again, you will call the police. In the meantime, contact the Identity Theft Resource Center (idtheftcenter.org), P.O. Box 26833, San Diego, CA 92196.
Dear Annie: I am a married woman, and I have a girlfriend who is single. "Pam" constantly laments not being able to find a nice guy. But she sleeps with every guy she meets without ever demanding a relationship first, and then wonders why they don't call her for real dates.
How do I help her understand the situation without making her feel like I am judging her? I'm getting tired of saying placating things, like, "Yeah, guys are jerks." Good Friend in Greensboro, N.C.
Dear Greensboro: Pam thinks so little of her ability to find an appropriate man that she throws herself at whatever comes close. Pam would benefit from counseling to learn why she does this and how to stop. Tell her, "Pam, I worry your relationship choices aren't working for you. Maybe you ought to talk to someone and see if you can figure out how to change that." Beyond that, there's not much you can do.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Old Man with Young Vision," who doesn't see the extra pounds and wrinkles on his wife. I hope she knows how lucky she is.
I am 63 and over the years have gained 25 pounds. My skinny husband has hounded me about the extra weight and made me very self-conscious. He says he is just concerned about my health, yet he smokes four packs a day. In August, I had a heart attack and have since lost 15 pounds. I was feeling pretty good about it until my husband pinched a small roll around my middle and said I really need to lose more weight.
My friends, co-workers and family have all congratulated me on how well I look, but all he can see is the fatter me. I go to the gym and watch what I eat, but I'll never be thin enough for him. Any suggestions? Hurting
Dear Hurting: Yes. Your husband is not supportive and needs to criticize you in order to make himself feel superior. Tune him out or tell him to knock it off.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2007 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.