Parents become interfering grandparents

Dear Annie: I am in my early 20s and married to a great guy, and we have a beautiful son. The problem is my parents. They need to control every aspect of my life when it comes to my child. I understand it's their first grandchild, but they overreact.
Every time my son comes down with a cold or a sniffle, they blame me. They question why I take my son to a friend's house to play. I have tried to talk to my parents, but they yell and accuse me of being a bad mother. They have even threatened to call Social Services. I am only human and try to learn from my mistakes, but they won't give me a chance. Any advice? Tired Daughter
Dear Tired: You and your husband need to present a united front to your parents, making it perfectly clear that you love and respect them, but their extreme level of interference will not be tolerated, and if they cannot be more supportive grandparents, their time with their grandson will be limited. If they are concerned about your ability to parent (or if you think they could be right), it might reassure everyone if you take some parenting classes at your local YMCA (ymca.org).
Dear Annie: About 18 years ago, I married my husband. I was 40, he was 57. From the start, his two adult sons from his previous marriage resented me. It was apparent they would never call me "Mom," but I was at least hoping for "Stepmom." Instead, they call me by my first name. And referring to me as "Dad's wife" left me a little shaken and rejected.
I did hope to someday be "Grandma," but shortly after the first grandchild was born, our daughter-in-law became upset with something I did. She left her husband, went to her mother's, and refused to return unless her husband promised never to see his father again. She won. My husband saw his grandson for the first time at his high school graduation last June.
Now the other daughter-in-law is pregnant. I'm sure I'll be referred to as "Grandpa's wife," aka Mrs. Unimportant. Furthermore, she told my husband the news over the phone, then left it up to my husband to tell me. I thought she should have told us both together. They know we have multiple phones, and I was home.
Calling me "Grandpa's wife" seems a very subtle way of continuing to distance me from the family. Is it unreasonable for me to want to be called Grandma? If I'm being too sensitive, I want to know. California Stepmom
Dear Stepmom: You are both too sensitive and too demanding. You didn't raise these children, and it is perfectly proper for them to address you by your first name. They won't call you "Grandma," but don't worry, toddlers tend to come up with their own titles. And no one should have to call each member of a couple when announcing a pregnancy. Phoning Dad was sufficient.
Don't look for reasons to be offended. Marrying someone's father does not automatically confer closeness. Accept that these children consider you "Dad's wife," and don't press for more. The new baby will find its own name for you. When you back off, graciously, things may become easier.
Dear Annie: I can relate to the letter from "Warcraft Widow," whose husband is an online game addict. I used to spend two or three hours or more per night playing Final Fantasy on my PS2. My wife used to nag me every night to stop.
When I realized I was hurting our marriage and neglecting my son, I decided to quit playing and devote my time to our family and my health. With the extra time, I joined a gym and lost 35 pounds, and I gotta tell you, our marriage couldn't be better. S. in L.A.
Dear S.: Those are great words of encouragement, and we hope addicted gamers will recognize themselves and be inspired.
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