Wake up to fact that she's sleeping around



Dear Annie: I have been involved in a romantic relationship with a co-worker for more than a year. "Lucy" is married with two teenage children. Her husband cheated on her a few years back, so they separated for two years. She dated then, but decided to go back to her husband. She tells me she went back only for the children. Lucy and her husband slept in different rooms and didn't get along well. They were more like roommates than husband and wife. We started "dating" during this time.
Well, a few months ago, Lucy's husband started sleeping in the same bed with her. She tells me when they have sex, and although it's rare, it bothers me a lot that she sleeps with him. She says they aren't getting closer, but it sure seems like it. When she used to talk to him on the phone, she sounded annoyed, and now she almost sounds happy. She tells me she is being nice and shares his bed to make her life and the children's lives easier. I don't know what to believe.
Recently, I was with Lucy when her husband sent a text message. I asked her what it said, and she mumbled something incomprehensible and then erased it. I was upset and we had a huge fight.
I have really fallen in love with this woman and I want things to work out. She tells me she loves me and plans to leave her husband as soon as their youngest child graduates high school, which is four years away. Her husband is financially well off, so sometimes I think she stays for the money.
How am I supposed to trust her when I see her lying all the time? Should I just cut my losses, or stick it out and hope she comes to her senses? Needs Help in Pennsylvania
Dear Needs Help: Lucy's senses are fine. Yours are a mess. She lies, she cheats, she's married, and she isn't leaving her husband anytime soon. She keeps you dangling because it suits her to have a spare guy around. Please, we know it's hard, but try to see her for what she is and dump her as fast as you can.
Dear Annie: Can you tell me why sick people don't stay home anymore? It's almost as though it has become socially acceptable for people with contagious illnesses to be out and about. They're everywhere -- in the workplace, at social get-togethers -- and to make matters worse, they not only share their germs with you, but also the details of their sickness. They've been up all night with the runs. They haven't been able to keep food down for days. And so on.
They act as if they're doing others a favor by their presence, when in reality, they're doing nothing of the sort. When did so many people become so inconsiderate, and what can be done about it? More Considerate
Dear More: People always have felt more heroic and self-sacrificing doing things when sick, and face it, many bosses actually encourage workers to come in when they should be home in bed. The solution is to be solicitous while making your point. At work, convey your sympathy, but blatantly keep your distance. At a party, say, "How terrible that you're sick. I insist you go home right now." And escort them straight to the door.
Dear Annie: I appreciate Dr. Van Stralen's encouragement of Licensed Practical Nurses (LPNs) and paramedics in his recent letter. It is true that these professions often go either unrecognized or unappreciated. However, I must point out that there is no such profession as "ambulance driver." The ambulance is driven by the EMTs and paramedics who provide the patient care on board. On occasion, a firefighter or police officer will drive the ambulance when patient care requires two paramedics in the back in a high-acuity situation. Proud Paramedic
Dear Proud Paramedic: Thanks for setting the record straight, and thanks for being there when we need you.
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