Seeks sensitive solution to stifling stench



Dear Annie: My youngest child is 13 and the only one left at home. We live in the country, and our only neighbor has a daughter, "Beth," the same age. The girls ride the bus together and hang out after school and on weekends.
Beth is not very clean and has a terrible odor. My husband took the girls in his car once and had to roll all the windows down because he could not stand the smell. It bothers my daughter, but she feels bad for Beth because people make fun of her at school.
Yesterday was the last straw. Beth came over and the girls were making cookies. Her odor was so bad I couldn't breathe while being in the same room with her. It was awful. After she left, I had to spray my house with air freshener.
I'm angry with Beth's parents because they don't teach her about bathing regularly and ignore how this affects their child's self-esteem. Do I say something to the parents? Do I tell my daughter she can't have Beth come over anymore? How should I handle this awful, uncomfortable situation? Holding My Nose
Dear Holding My Nose: You are in an excellent position to teach this girl about hygiene, and we hope you will have the compassion to do so. Say kindly, "Beth, you may not be aware that you have a slight odor. How often do you shower? Do you wear deodorant? Is your underwear washed daily?" Would you be willing to let her use your shower when she visits, keeping deodorant in the bathroom just for her? It's worth the embarrassment of mentioning it if you can be a positive influence in this girl's life. (It's also possible Beth has a medical condition that produces the odor. If so, suggest to her parents that she get a referral to an endocrinologist.)
Dear Annie: I know a lot of women share two last names, usually a maiden name hyphenated with a married name. My situation is different.
I was married for many years to "John Smith" and was recently divorced. My children are now grown, and I'm planning on getting married again soon to "Bob Jones." My ex-husband and my future husband and I are all close friends, and we get along great. Once I marry Mr. Jones and take his name, would it be proper to use both last names, even though neither is my maiden name? My ex- husband has not remarried, so there wouldn't be another woman using his name. To Add or Subtract
Dear Add: Yes, you can be Mrs. Smith-Jones. Hyphenated names are a relatively recent trend, and people have been making up the rules as they go along. Many women choose to keep the name of their ex-husband when there are children from the marriage, or because they have established an identity with that name. If Mr. Jones doesn't mind, neither do we.
Dear Annie: I feel sorry for "Torrance, Calif.," who said men hate going clothes shopping with their wives. He does not have a good, strong marriage.
Since I work two jobs and my husband is disabled, our quality time is limited to nights and weekends. We run our errands then, and sometimes I must pop into a store to get a new outfit for work. My husband has good taste and is not shy about telling me if something doesn't look right, or if the color doesn't suit me. I certainly don't bring him in the fitting room, and I don't second guess his opinions. We also make trips to the hardware store.
It's not just about what you buy. It's about spending time together and about input from your spouse. Half of Duo Shoppers in Florida
Dear Half: To each his own. "Torrance's" preference not to shop with his wife has nothing to do with the strength of his marriage. Since you and your husband enjoy shopping together, however, we think you should continue. It's rather sweet.
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