Blended relationship creates mixed feelings

Dear Annie: Last year, my wife decided she couldn't be a pastor's wife anymore and left. She hooked up with another guy fairly quickly, and they now go to a different church and pass themselves off as this great Christian blended family. She keeps telling the kids that as soon as the divorce is final, "Stan" will be their new stepdad.
This has completely devastated our four children. My 12-year-old son does not like Stan, nor does he want a new stepdad. My daughters don't feel they fit into this new family because Stan already has two daughters the same age. But here is the biggest problem: My 9-year-old boy is the son Stan never had, and he and my wife spoil him, which is causing a huge rift between the 9-year-old (who defends Mom), and the other three (who want no part of this new family).
As the dad, what do I do? In all honesty, I am jealous and angry with Stan and my wife for destroying our family, so it is becoming increasingly difficult to talk nicely about the two of them when my kids get into arguments every weekend about how unfairly three of them believe they are being treated.
How do I help my children recover when I'm still trying to recover? How do I train them in what's morally right without saying horrible things about their mother? I would never have condoned their behavior in my church. How can I condone it now? Confused and Angry in Michigan
Dear Confused: You don't have to condone it, but you do need to guide your children so they can navigate these difficult circumstances and maintain a civil relationship with their mother. As a pastor, surely you recognize the value of counseling. Please get some for yourself and your children, and if you can convince Mom to participate as well, it would be beneficial all the way around.
Dear Annie: I have an insane amount of back hair. Aside from being extremely unattractive, it is also a huge hassle to keep tamed down.
I'm a frequent beachgoer in the summer, and I'm not exactly rushing to take off my shirt. What are the best ways to get rid of back hair that are both cost effective (I'm on a fixed income) and show the best results? Gorilla Warfare
Dear Gorilla: The best ways are shaving, waxing, depilatories, and professional electrolysis or laser hair removal. The first three are fairly inexpensive, but the last two have more permanent results. Shaving is the easiest, but the hair grows back quickly, and you'd have to do it often (and there would be stubble). Waxing can be painful (we've all seen the movie), and we recommend trimming the hair with scissors first, but you'd only have to do it every four to six weeks. Depilatories fall somewhere in between. Pick one, find a friend to help you, and give it a try.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Nina in New York," who has Crohn's disease. For the past five years, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a woman who developed Crohn's as a young adult, and she suffered for years. She was finally diagnosed properly and has been wearing "Clyde" for close to 20 years. I love Clyde! Without "him," I wouldn't know this wonderful woman. We even celebrate Clyde with a Happy Life Anniversary.
When we first began dating, my partner was very upfront about Clyde. There was a curiosity factor, and she was very patient with me. I've watched her change Clyde, and was able to ask her questions during the process. Now, I forget Clyde is there altogether.
I guess what I'm trying to tell "Nina" is that people really will love you for who you are. My gal is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. A Very Happy Partner in Kentucky
Dear Partner: Many of our readers expressed similar sentiments. We hope your gal sees this letter. Thanks.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2007 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.