Is woman’s gay male friend confused and flirting with her?

Dear Annie: I am a woman in love with a gay man. I told “Geoff” how I feel, hoping it would alleviate the feelings, and for a while, it did. But the feelings are coming back and I can’t seem to control them.

Geoff and I go on “dates” that I absolutely love. We joke around a lot about our relationship. I am not seeing anyone else at the moment and wonder if this is the reason why I am so crazy about him. I get very jealous when he’s with other women, even though I know nothing is going to happen.

A close friend told me recently that Geoff has been confused about his sexuality for years. I’m sure this is why I still have hope that one day he and I can be together. Lately, I’ve been waking up in the morning thinking about kissing him.

I want to talk to Geoff about this, but I don’t want to come on too strong or seem obsessed. I don’t expect Geoff to feel the same about me. Right now, he believes I’ve gotten past this, and a part of me wants to keep it that way. I want this craziness to stop before everything gets out of hand. What should I do? Terribly Confused

Dear Confused: We think Geoff is flirting with you just enough to keep your hopes alive. Confusion about his sexuality could explain it, but it’s also possible he simply enjoys having that kind of power over you. You need to spend less time with Geoff and more with men who are actually available. Geoff has become a crutch — a way to avoid other, more intimate relationships — and there’s nothing wrong with telling him that. Let your friends know you are looking, and see if you can turn this slightly unbalanced relationship with Geoff into a true friendship without unrealistic expectations.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Stressed in Georgia,” who was using pot to counter his anger and stress problems.

I am a lawyer, my wife is a doctor, and we have five children, ages 16-23. My wife and I have been smoking pot in moderation for 30 years. It helps us to relax, counters nausea when we have the flu and has many other medical uses to alleviate discomfort. It is safe and nonaddictive, unlike alcohol, cigarettes and countless prescription drugs.

The scientific literature overwhelmingly documents its medical value. And prohibition doesn’t work. Studies show it is easier for a teenager to buy marijuana than it is to buy a beer or cigarettes because those things are regulated. The majority of voters have approved the medical use of marijuana. Please help advocate the regulation of marijuana. Santa Rosa, Calif.

Dear Santa Rosa: We do, in fact, advocate the decriminalization and regulation of marijuana. However, since it is still illegal, we cannot in good conscience tell our readers to use it.

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