Someplace Safe helps abused women

The director explained what can happen when a woman
and children are in such a relationship.

By TIM YOVICH

VINDICATOR TRUMBULL STAFF

WARREN — Amy’s life was a happy existence that she says turned to abuse by a boyfriend, and fear that her children would be harmed.

“He was very controlling,” said Amy, 26. “He left me with three kids and $4,000 in debt,” she said of their seven-year relationship.

Their son was born four years ago. Amy, who continues to live in Trumbull County, was the breadwinner in the household and her boyfriend baby-sat and handled the bills. She gave him all the money she earned, she said.

After a time, she said, he wouldn’t allow her to go out with her friends or family. He wrecked their car and he destroyed her credit card.

When Amy was able to leave home with friends or family, she had to take the children with her. “Anybody who could help me, he excluded them,” she said. “I felt angry and depressed. I couldn’t get a break.”

She gave birth to a second boy 21⁄2 years ago, and to a daughter 101⁄2 months ago. Her boyfriend then claimed she wasn’t his biological daughter and moved out.

“The allegations are definitely false,” her former boyfriend said. He said that Amy threatened to take the children away from him if he didn’t do what he was told.

Amy got help from Someplace Safe, a Trumbull County safe house for women and children, and Trumbull County Children Services. She obtained a protective order Sept. 20 from Trumbull County Family Court, according to court records.

Patricia Porter, director of Someplace Safe, explained what can happen when a woman and her children are in a relationship with a man who seeks power and control over them.

Initially, the woman and children are isolated and have very little contact with her family. She has no access to money, family and friends and then the power and control escalates to violence.

Women don’t break away from abusive men, Porter explained, because they have a roof over their head and food. They don’t have a job, job skills, money, including rent for a place to hide out, or a credit card.

The abusive man has planned the isolation and wants it that way. A woman will leave an abusive man five to seven times before she makes the break, Porter explained, because of the threats to kill her, kill her children or kill himself.

“And we’ve seen that happen,” she noted. “When a woman leaves, it’s the most dangerous time for her.”

Mahoning and Trumbull counties have transitional homes where women can stay for up to two years. During this time, Porter said, women have time to put their lives together, which can include getting a divorce, permanent housing, job skills, an education and learning daily skills such as how to write a check.

Marcia Tiger, director of Trumbull County Children Services, said mothers allow men to move in because some haven’t had their needs met. Those include economic needs, a relationship or drugs, Tiger said. The men are sometimes intolerant and aren’t accustomed to taking care of children.

This year, two men are facing trial in Trumbull County for killing children in their own households:

UFreddy Miller, 2, died of a beating March 1. Randall M. Thomas could face the death penalty if convicted of the murder that occurred in a Warren apartment where he was staying with his brother and his brother’s girlfriend.

USept. 20, 14-month-old Destiny Nicole Seybert died of head trauma that police say was the result of a beating. Jamie Champlin, 27, the live-in boyfriend of the toddler’s mother at their apartment in Niles, is awaiting trial for charges of murder and child endangering.

Dr. Humphrey Germaniuk, Trumbull County’s forensic pathologist in the coroner’s office, said he believes that aggression toward a child is the result of environment.

A man returns home and sees the house in a mess and reacts toward the child — chronically, intermittently or as a one-time abuser, he explained. Dr. Germaniuk said a chronic child abuser views the youngster as a disruption in his life with his girlfriend and has an “over-exaggerated” response.

The intermittent abuser turns verbally or physically violent toward the child and then is remorseful. He ends up giving the child something to show he’s sorry. However, the cycle continues and the child usually ends up in the custody of Children Services.

Most of these men, he said, have limited skills and education. It’s education that can resolve many problems that cause abuse, he noted. An education leads to a job and a marketable skills.

In Amy’s case, she has been the one to get a job since her February split, making just enough money to pay her bills. ‘It’s working out real well,” she said. “He literally has no control over me.”

yovich@vindy.com