Single mom needs help in handling aggressive child

Dear Annie: I am a single mother of two girls, ages 4 and 2. Their father isn't in the picture much. I love my kids, but sometimes I think I never should have had children.
A while ago, I put my 4-year-old into group counseling because she was very aggressive with her little sister and argued with me about everything -- what to wear, when to go to bed, etc. She hasn't improved much, and it is making me crazy. Rewards and discipline don't work.
I am on an antidepressant and take a sleeping pill. My children sleep in bed with me every night, just so I don't have to battle with them, which means I have to go to bed when they do, leaving no time for myself. They wear me down until I cry myself to sleep.
The sleeping arrangements are also causing problems with my boyfriend. Please help. I don't know what to do. Indiana
Dear Indiana: A certain amount of aggressive behavior toward younger siblings is common, and a consistent, disciplined approach will eventually get results. However, you are too exhausted and overwhelmed to do this, and as a result, you are no longer in control. Not only does this make every day a struggle for you, but it creates insecurity in your children, who, in turn, become more clingy and demanding.
Children need structure and stability. Call your local YWCA, church or community center, and ask if they offer parenting classes. Try to get Dad more involved. Please find time for this -- for your children and for yourself.
Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married 37 years. We have two grown daughters whom we have helped financially many times over the years.
I work long hours, but I've always done my best to stay involved in my girls' lives. I chaperoned school field trips, worked science fairs and coached basketball and softball. I might not have been perfect, but I was there when they needed me.
Now that they are grown, it's as if I don't exist. Both girls are close to their mother, but neither talks to me unless they want something. Yesterday, I received a call from my youngest daughter, saying she and her sister are taking their mother out for dinner to celebrate her retirement. My son-in-law and grandson are also going. When my daughter asked if I would like to join them, she quickly added, "You will have to pay for your own dinner. We are just paying for Mom's."
I feel like an outsider in my own family. There have been other outings where I wasn't even invited. I told my wife how I feel, and she says I am making too much out of it. Am I? Hurt Father in Indiana
Dear Hurt: Yes and no. If your daughters are taking Mom out to celebrate her retirement, it does not mean they have to treat you as well. Also, it is not unusual for daughters to be closer to their mothers. However, your daughters may not know how much their behavior hurts you, so it's time to tell them how you feel and ask how to make things better.
Dear Annie: I chuckled when I read the letter from "Burnt Out." His list of chores sure sounded like the daily doings of most women.
As long as he is sharing this working, commuting, doing endless chores, taking care of pets, garbage, laundry, dishes, cars, paying bills, etc., with his wife, and they still remember to say "I love you" to each other, they will survive. Children grow up, and they cannot get back that childhood time. Instead, they need to rechannel their family focus. Take some time to play with the children and one another every week. Make a game of the weekly chores, which everyone in the house should share. They will be making family memories. Hang in there. Been There, Done That
Dear Been There: We couldn't have said it better. Thanks.
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