Clive's behavior is plain disrespectful
Dear Annie: I have a dear friend, "Clive," who is gay. I have no problem with that. My problem comes up when we occasionally have dinner out together. If we happen to get a female server, fine, but if we get a male, Clive becomes overtly sexual to the waiter -- not just flirting with him, but talking about how he looks. This makes me very uncomfortable, and I have told him so. I also say such attention might make the waiter uncomfortable.
Clive says it's probably OK with the waiter because tolerating the flirting might get him a better tip. I just find this in bad taste and would feel the same way if it were a straight man coming on to a waitress. Am I overreacting? How can I get Clive to stop without hurting his feelings? Confused in Carolina
Dear Confused: Clive's behavior is inappropriate, and the fact that a waiter will put up with it doesn't mean he likes it. It is disrespectful, not just to the waiter, but to you, since it causes you discomfort. Ask Clive to please focus his attentions on you, since you are with him for the company and conversation, and you find it embarrassing when he behaves this way. If he won't tone down the flirting, you have the choice of putting up with it or refusing his dinner invitations.
Dear Annie: I am a 90-year-old grandfather and great-grandfather. I am not overloaded with cash, but I can afford to be generous. I have established small annuities for the grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and I still have enough to live comfortably, barring any great difficulty.
Here is the trouble. My daughter and son-in-law visit me when they are in the area, and occasionally invite me to their home. Naturally, we dine out, take side trips, invite people in, etc. These things all cost money, especially when they bring the whole tribe, plus a few friends. When it comes time to pay the bills, my son-in-law always finds a way to be somewhere else. At restaurants, he gets up from the table before the waiter arrives. When we buy gasoline, he is in the rest room.
I resent that my son-in-law always puts the entire burden of paying on me. It seems unfair. What do you think? Sun City, Ariz.
Dear Sun City: Of course it's unfair, but your son-in-law thinks you are Daddy Warbucks, and he's going to take as much ad & Iuml;vantage as you permit. You should simply tell your daughter or her husband that you'd like them to pay for half the restaurant tab, or it's their turn to fork over for gasoline, whatever, although it sounds like Sonny has his vanishing act down to a science. Only you can decide if this is worth pursuing or not.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from "Weird in Indiana?" who bemoaned the jokes and junk mail that her friends and relatives forwarded to her.
E-mail etiquette requires that you get someone's permission before you include them on your list for forwarding stuff. I routinely include this poem when giving out my e-mail address, and I find that most people honor my position. You have my permission to print it, and anyone who wants to use it may do so. It's my small attempt to clear some of the debris from the Internet:
We're glad to share our e-mail address, but again we do insist,
that you please not add it to your multimailing list,
which could spread it all around and across the Internet,
to be used or abused by folks we've never met.
Please don't send or forward stuff that's comical, educational or inspirational,
medical, political or informational,
outrageous, religious or patriotic,
ethnic, historic or philosophic.
However, we'd really love to receive personal e-mail from you,
because keeping in touch with friends is what we like to do. M.J. from AZ
Dear M.J.: Nicely put. We're sure our readers will be happy to forward it via e-mail to everyone they know.
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