KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Either be faithful or cut husband loose

Dear Annie: I am 26 years old. Six months ago, I married a man I've been dating since I began college. This is the only serious relationship I have been in.
The problem is, I always have had major doubts about our relationship, and if I am forced to admit it, I know I "settled" because I wanted the whole marriage-and-children thing. I am hardly attracted to my husband, and worse, embarrassed by him when we're out in public because he is socially awkward. We agree on a lot of things, such as parenting (we do not yet have children), but sometimes I'm afraid I made a terrible mistake by marrying him.
To compound the problem, I have cheated on him with three different guys. One is a co-worker, and we have great chemistry. I always look forward to our encounters, which happen whenever we get a chance. The relationship is sexual only.
A divorce would devastate my husband, who not only has baggage from his own parents' divorce, but also is very much in love with me. I also don't want to disappoint my family and his. And if I did leave him, it's not as if I could be with my co-worker, who also recently married.
I'm afraid I will always be looking for affairs. Please help. I have no one to turn to, since all my friends know this co-worker. Staten Island, N.Y.
Dear Staten Island: You were not ready to get married, and you have done both yourself and your husband a disservice. A divorce may be unpleasant, but not as bad as years of cheating and misery, especially if you have children. It's time to grow up and face the music, honey. When you believe you deserve better, you tend to behave as if you are owed something. But your husband is owed something, too -- fidelity, honesty and trust. If you cannot give those to him, please cut him loose so he can find someone who will.
Dear Annie: My husband and I married eight years ago. During the time we were planning our wedding, we also were moving into our new home. I'm sure you can imagine what a stressful time that was.
The other day, we were doing some spring cleaning and discovered some thank-you notes from the wedding that were addressed but never sent. I was mortified. It's been eight years! I feel terrible that these people were never properly thanked. What should we do? Really Am Thankful in Ohio
Dear Ohio: Send the notes anyway, along with a short letter explaining what happened. Say you were "mortified to discover they had never been mailed" and you want them to know their gifts were received and appreciated. These embarrassments happen more often than you might think. The important thing is to handle them graciously. We think the recipients will be quite happy to hear from you.
Dear Annie: I disagree with your advice to "Heartbroken," the woman who found a black hair in the house after returning from a trip. She said this had happened twice before. You said it wasn't sufficient evidence to convict him of cheating.
My friend discovered her husband was cheating when she noticed that the flip lid on the shampoo bottle had been left open. He also never lifted a finger to help around the house, but every time she returned from a trip, the place had been vacuumed. Further investigation confirmed her worst suspicions.
"Heartbroken" should trust her intuition and keep her eyes open rather than see a marriage counselor so that she can "work on her insecurities." I am all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but after three incidents, I'd be looking for the source. Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: We agree that little things can mean a lot, but the point of counseling in this instance was either to provide reassurance or uncover a problem. But we thank you for giving spouses everywhere a reason to think twice about the shampoo lids.
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