KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Mom and boyfriend need their own home
Dear Annie: Last spring, my mother and her boyfriend, "Art," moved in with my husband and me. We've been married a year and would like to start a family, but our two roommates are chain smokers, and I fear that would be bad for our child.
I would like to ask Mom and Art to move out, but they are financially unable to make it on their own. And they would take it as an insult if I asked them to smoke outside. Whenever I bring up the subject, Mom says she smoked when she was pregnant with me and I turned out fine.
Also, we are a little short on room, and when I asked Mom where the baby will stay, she replied that the baby will sleep in her room. She acts as if our current living arrangements will last for years. This troubles me.
Do you have any advice on how to get our new tenants out without damaging the relationship? Lost in My Own Home in Wisconsin
Dear Lost: If Mom is insulted that you want to protect your health and that of any future children, tough luck. She is addicted and will use whatever excuse she can to smoke. Don't let her get away with it.
Tell Mom you are happy to provide her with temporary lodgings until she and Art can afford their own place, but you don't expect them to stay indefinitely and they absolutely are not permitted to smoke inside your home. Naturally, you understand she may want a place that is more accommodating, and you will be more than willing to help her look for low-cost housing. The longer you let them stay, the harder it will be to get them out and the more damaged the relationship will be.
Dear Annie: My best friend, "Larry," and I used to have a great relationship and shared all our thoughts. Larry's cousin, "Bart," was a mutual friend of ours, sort of. He was untrustworthy, a back stabber and, as Larry called him, "a giant dirt bag."
Ten years ago, Larry met a great gal and proposed. I was happy for him and excited about being a best man for the first time. As time passed, however, Larry never mentioned anything about the wedding to me. When I finally asked, Larry nervously said Bart would be his best man, because the wedding was "family only." He invited me to attend the reception. That was the last time I spoke to Larry.
Two months later, I got a special invitation to attend the wedding as a witness. I never replied, nor did I go to the bachelor party or the reception. After all this time, I still can't get over being replaced by "a giant dirt bag." How do I get past this? Steve in Ill-Annoyed
Dear Steve: You lost a friendship because you were hurt and felt betrayed. For 10 years, you've been mourning.
We think Larry was under a great deal of family pressure to keep the ceremony family-only and have The Dirt Bag as the best man. He undoubtedly felt terrible about it and tried to make it up to you by inviting you to be a witness. Instead of being understanding and showing support, you became angry and ended the friendship. It still gnaws at you because you regret it. Forgive Larry for not having more backbone, and then forgive yourself for allowing this to come between you.
Creators Syndicate
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