Failure to honor last request is cause of distress for sister

Dear Annie: My sister "Jane" passed away five years ago, leaving her husband, "Greg," and two sons, who were 12 and 13 at the time. I helped my brother-in-law make the arrangements for cremation and a memorial service. At the time, Greg informed me that it was Jane's wish for her ashes to be buried so her sons would have a place to visit.
The problem is, Greg has not followed through, and Jane's ashes are still sitting in his house. I have brought this up many times, including when he announced last summer that he was going to remarry. He actually said, "Yes, it wouldn't be fair to ask my new wife to dust Jane's ashes," and yet there they are.
My older nephew is graduating from high school this spring and will be going off to college. It really upsets me that my brother-in-law has not honored my sister's last request. Friends have advised me to ask Greg for her ashes and make arrangements to bury them myself. However, I live 1,000 miles away, and besides, I feel it is Greg's responsibility.
This is a source of great distress for me. I'd like to have your advice. Sad Sister and Aunt
Dear Sad Sister: We know this is disturbing for you, but Greg obviously cannot bring himself to deal with Jane's cremains. You have three choices: You can ask Greg for the ashes and make arrangements yourself; you can enlist the help of the new wife, who undoubtedly would prefer to have Jane's ashes out of the house; you can decide this is between Greg and his sons, and when the boys are old enough to demand a more respectful resting place for their mother, they will take care of it.
Dear Annie: "Stan" and I have been married nearly 40 years. He has been a wonderful husband, lover and father. Eight years ago, his business division was moved overseas, so he decided to freelance. He has done well. He has a small office, and his clients come from all over. He is booked six months in advance.
However, I'm concerned about Stan's appearance. He wears jeans and plaid shirts everywhere, except to church. I can live with that, but in the last year, he has decided to let his hair grow. It is wiry, and although he washes and combs it, by lunchtime, he has that "mad scientist" look going. I've asked him to cut it, but he says his customers are purchasing his brains, not his looks. Stan says people were always forcing him to cut his hair -- his mother, the Army and his bosses -- and he's tired of it.
The problem is, our son is engaged to a lovely girl whose parents live in another city. We met them last year, before the hair got out of hand. Last week, our son stopped by, took one look at his father and asked when Dad was going to get a haircut. Stan says he'll get it styled for the wedding, but he doesn't want to cut off all that growth. What should I do? At Wits' End in Los Angeles
Dear Los Angeles: Your son should ask his father if he will please cut his hair for the wedding, but otherwise, leave it alone. If your son's in-laws and the wedding guests are appalled, sigh deeply and say, "Stan's a big admirer of Albert Einstein." Someday you'll look back at those wedding pictures and laugh.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Not Engaged Yet," who kept getting asked when she was going to get married. It always amazes me how rude people can be. My response to a question like that is to firmly, but politely, say, "Why do you ask? Do you know something I don't?" It says a lot while leaving little to be said. J.S.
Dear J.S.: That ought to do the trick although we know there are way too many people who would not be deterred.
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